Some pedestrians seem to be elitist idiots

For public-safety and mental-health reasons, I would like review the crosswalk procedures for those who are such superior people they have forgotten the process.

When approaching a street with a street light, look around for a signal, fixed at approximately eye level. This light is usually directly beyond the white lines that jaywalkers feel are a magical barrier to oncoming vehicles. If that glowing sign has a giant red hand, or says “Don’t walk,” or appears to be counting down, do not cross.

If you continue to believe it unnecessary to obey pedestrian signs, yet by some miracle decide to look both ways, I assure you the car coming (most likely me) is moving faster than you. Just because the car came to a complete stop so you could cross illegally, this does not excuse your actions.

Frankly, you should be placed under citizen’s arrest for being an elitist idiot. If there is a glowing person on the sign in an upright striding position, then you may cross the street. However, please make sure you are walking toward the sign, not just any freaking direction you feel like.

Finally, I would like to call upon local police to ticket these jaywalkers for making the streets unpredictable and unsafe. I would also like to truly thank those who do abide by pedestrian laws.

Brittany Olson


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