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Zombies march down Main

1,500 flood downtown on Halloween night

As always, there was a lot of walking at the Zombie March.

Though widely considered a basic mode of human transportation – toddlers, after all, can do it – walking proved a formidably difficult task for man and monster alike during the late night hours Friday on Main Avenue.

A giant gorilla – whose tight grip on an open container recalled King Kong’s loving grasp on Ann Darrow atop the Empire State Building – stumbled about the intersection of Main and Eighth Street, only to lose his footing entirely when a lamppost took him by surprise.

A mermaid exiting El Rancho Tavern likewise seemed unsure of her footing once on dry land. After only a few halting steps forward, she seemed to learn the lesson it took Ariel an entire Disney movie to internalize and promptly returned to the watering hole.

Fairies, far from fluttering, bumped into each other. Extrapolating from their dilated pupils and frenzied manner, it’s possible they’d already left a trail of magic dust behind them.

As many as 1,500 zombies took to streets, said Cpl. Nick Stasi with the Durango Police Department.

After daybreak Saturday, Stasi said that between eight and 11 arrests were made over the course of the evening, but all things considered and with increased staff of a dozen officers patrolling the streets, the march was relatively uneventful, and most zombies played nice.

“There was no documented use of force,” Stasi said. “Nobody got pepper sprayed or anything like that.”

The La Plata County Sheriff’s Office assisted on several calls, but Stasi said there was little in the way of anything sensational.

“When I came in, it wasn’t one of those shocking nights that everyone wants to tell you about,” he said.

Nonetheless, the zombies ruled downtown on this soggy Halloween night.

Because of the actions of about a dozen zombies, the breed more than lived up to its reputation for senselessly devouring flesh.

One short male zombie who took up temporary residence on Main Avenue’s 900 block seemed extremely sullen whenever his friend, a female zombie, denied him unfettered access to her mouth on which he rather sloppily attempted to gorge despite loudly broadcast concerns about her lipstick.

Indeed, zombies everywhere seemed to relish this mouth-to-mouth form of feasting.

A royal retinue – including a king – congealed outside Irish Embassy. Despite fresh rain, the smell – a potent combination of urine and marijuana – harkened back to Medieval England, as remembered by Cheech and Chong.

Men were infinitely more naked then women, with at least six men clad in just shoes and fabric that had pretensions about being underwear. Though mostly apolitical, some instances of male nudity aspired to the lofty realms of political protest. One man in shoes and knee-high socks wore just a cardboard box and suspenders; the box, which barely encased his buttocks and genitalia, said “censored” – a rare act of political bravery on behalf of repressed “manhood” everywhere.

By 12:20 a.m., rain was pouring. Outside the Main Mall, zombies were mindlessly kicking around an empty bottle of Johnnie Walker Red, which made a chiming noise so loud it competed with thunder.

Their chants alternated between the classic cheer, “Whose streets? Our streets!” and cries of “USA! USA!” – a ringing declaration of geographic fact that, no doubt, came as a welcome surprise to anyone in profound doubt about their whereabouts.

Between 12:25 and 12:33 a.m., a group of five zombies who’d deserted the march felled three traffic and parking signs on the 1200 and 1300 blocks of Main Avenue, leaving two for dead and taking the third with them as a souvenir. From their silhouette, two fairies, one woman, and two men in cowboy hats comprised the hoodlum gang.

cmcallister@durangoherald.com. Herald staff writer Brandon Mathis contributed to this report.

Nov 1, 2017
Durango’s annual Zombie March ‘went very smoothly,’ police say


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