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Accuracy of Google map not a shore thing

A Google map of the Santa Rita Park area and Smelter Mountain indicates lakes and ponds that aren’t really there.

From time to time, The Durango Herald will include a Google map at the bottom of online stories to show where news happens. The other day, I noticed that Google displays a couple of “lakes” on the side of Smelter Mountain. I’m not familiar with these bodies of water. Are these some sort of stealth reservoirs linked to the United Nation’s Agenda 21 and La Plata Electric’s smart meters? Sign me, The Curious Water Boy

There’s good reason to be deeply paranoid. But not on account of a world governmental body or a Touchstone Energy Cooperative.

Agenda 21 and smart meters are silly distractions compared to the powerful empire that is Google.

Consider that Google has a semi-secret research facility called “Google(x),” located a half mile from corporate headquarters. Seriously. Just Google “Google X.”

(How weirdly postmodern is that? Now we’re using a search engine to search for information about a search engine.)

Anyway, at the mysterious Google laboratory, work is reportedly continuing on the self-driving car, a drone-delivery system and creepy, privacy-violating Google Glasses eyewear.

There’s also a project called “the web of things,” which would allow real-world objects to be part of the World Wide Web.

So if you think that the United Nations wants to take over rural parts of La Plata County or that La Plata Electric Association yearns to monitor your TV viewing habits, here’s another boogeyman to ponder.

Google has already driven past your house, taken photos and has posted them on the Internet via Street View. Moreover, anyone can check out your backyard with zoomable Google satellite images.

So, you’d think that Google would be more accurate when it comes to lakes on Smelter Mountain.

But there they are: two tarns.

If you don’t know what a “tarn” is, you should Google it.

Let’s just say that things have taken a tarn for the worse.

Also on the Durango map are a couple of tiny ponds. One is a nonexistent body of water on the far end of the Dog Park.

The other “pond” is the Durango municipal wastewater treatment plant.

One could make the argument that the sewer plant is technically a pond, given the fact that it holds water and is surrounded by a public park.

Furthermore, most municipal ponds are posted “No Swimming” because of water-quality concerns. The same could be said of Durango’s “pond.”

Not that anyone would be able to take a frolicsome dip in the sewer lagoon. Besides, a large fence keeps interlopers out of the fake pond.

Strangely enough, a security fence surrounds a lake that actually does exist. We’re talking about Lake Nighthorse, which (correctly) appears on the same Google map.

So, here we have a fence surrounding a dubious “pond” that no one would want to use. Meanwhile, we have a fence around a genuine lake that everybody wants to open.

The ultimate irony is that the word Durango comes from the Basque word “urango,” which means “water town.”

We should change the name of Durango to “Ur faltsuekin ur herri.” That’s Basque for “water town with fake water.”

By the way, this Basque translation came from Google.

And if that Google translation is as accurate as its map, it’ll just be water under the Bridge to Nowhere.

H H H

The Mea Culpa Mailbag was opened, and what did we espy? A nice note from a loyal reader whose secret identity is “S.P.O. Nawj.” (Hint: say it out loud. Mrs. Action Line didn’t get it the first time, either.)

“After reading the annual Christmas poem, I realized you should do contract work for the C.I.A. because you are the master of tortured rhymes! Can you say ‘Enhanced Alliteration?’ We loved it!”

Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you’re fully committed to going to bed at 9:30 p.m. on New Year’s Eve.



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