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Into the woods with baby and a good attitude

Parenting coach and columnist Meghan Leahy answered questions recently in an online chat. Here is an edited excerpt.

Q: We are about to go on a tent-camping trip with our 13-month-old. She isn’t walking on her own yet. We are planning on being gone just one to two nights and only about an hour away from home. Any hints or tips on how to make this a great trip?

A: Keep your expectations very, very low. Seriously.

But good for you for doing this trip. I love it when I see people out there with their young kids. It is like shaking your fist at life and saying, “As parents, we are not giving up!”

And I say, “Yes!”

That being said, this camping trip could have some rough patches.

I would plan a morning hike (babe in the backpack) with many stops for various needs, a picnic lunch and then a quiet-ish afternoon.

I would be ready to change anything based on sleep needs, hunger needs, random fevers, poopy diapers and too many bug bites. I would expect that the sleeping might be anywhere from awesome to hellish. I would bring a little bit of technology just so you can make dinner. I would bring a great sense of humor.

Q: I have two boys, ages 6 and 3. They both find potty words extraordinarily funny. I hear “diapers,” “poop” and “butt” endlessly. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to set limits around potty humor (only in the bathroom, etc.). I’ve tried ignoring it. My most recent tactic is to interrupt the potty talk with random words (“rubber bands!”). That kind of works. What else can I do to make it stop?

A: One night, at my house, I made an entirely brown dinner and called it our “poop dinner.” I talked only about poop and boogers and everything else disgusting.

The kids loved it. Laughed their heads off.

And like everything wildly funny and inappropriate, you eventually just shrug and move on.

The more taboo you make something, the more the children go for it. So, just laugh and keep the conversation going.

Don’t punish it, and you also don’t have to encourage it (like I did). Yup. Just ignore it.

Q: My son is almost 3, and for the past few months his anger has really taken me aback. He will grit his teeth, shake with anger and hiss “I’m gonna hit you” or “I’m gonna bite you” or “I’m gonna cut you with that knife.” I know 2-year-olds have huge feelings, so we don’t get mad, but we do remind him to speak gently, and now when he gets the mean face/mean voice, we call it the mean face/voice and ask him to use the nice voice. We try to intervene before he does lash out (especially to his brother). If he does actually hit, we separate him from his brother, say no hitting/biting/kicking and ask him to apologize. It is utterly exhausting and, frankly, irritating because it is constant. Is it normal? How do we handle it?

A: Yes, it is normal, and I think you are handling it beautifully.

Don’t punish him. He is trying to control the frustration by speaking (which is good, even though he is threatening you). It is so, so, so, so normal. Allow him to express his words and give him lots of love.

Q: My just-turned-2-year-old has gotten into the biting habit. He bit his 4-year-old brother four times last night. Sometimes he does it because he’s mad, but sometimes it seems that he thinks it’s really funny. Right now I’m just saying the usual things: “No biting,” “Biting hurts,” “Check on your brother,” etc. It doesn’t seem to be having any effect. Is there something else that I should be doing?

A: Ugh, not really. I know it is exhausting and annoying. I am imagining that a lot may be setting him off, but try to run some interference here. Look for the patterns and try to catch his feelings before they spill over into the bites. This will be hard, so keep on keepin’ on. It’s tiring, but it will get better! Offer lots of love. No punishments.



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