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Harnessing the power of emotional intelligence

As we embark upon a new school year, it is time to consider the importance of both the academic and emotional success of our children. Why do we need to worry about their emotional skills? We must teach our children to be emotionally intelligent if we want their educational experience to gain traction with their future success.

Many experts, from Maria Montessori (creator of the Montessori method) to Daniel Goleman (one of the founders who introduced the concept of emotional intelligence in 1995), have determined that emotional intelligence is more important to personal and career success than knowledge. Emotional intelligence is wisdom – the wisdom to manage our own emotions, navigate and guide the emotional reactions of others, and to teach children, simply, not to take things personally. We are not born with emotional intelligence – we must develop it through experience.

An important component of high emotional intelligence is learning how to decrease our own negative emotions. As parents, guiding children to develop this complex skill is in large part about timing. Occasionally, I will hear a parent say, “Well, they are going to experience ‘it’ sooner or later, so I might as well let them. ...” You can fill in the blank here; “it” could be: watch that excessively violent movie, spend time with a peer who brings them down or read the book that includes subject matter well above their maturity level. When my best efforts to bite my tongue fail, my response has been: Just because they are going to learn “it” one day doesn’t mean that today should be that day. Why? Because raising children who are optimists, filled with a belief that they can make a change, results in greater success all around for that child. If we introduce children to concepts that are self-defeating at an age when they have not fully developed the esteem that helps them to overcome the feeling of defeat, then we are raising children who do not believe they can make a difference in their life or the lives of others, significantly increasing frequent negative emotions in the child.

Let’s add another layer of complexity to our parenting: We must also allow our children to experience emotional challenges without rescuing them too quickly from the possibility of failure. Children must experience these challenges in order to learn that they are resilient and that they are empowered to be autonomous problem-solvers in their world. That is not to suggest that we neglect our duty to gently guide when they are willing to take our advice. When we overprotect, hover and jump in too quickly, however, we are depriving our children of the opportunity to overcome a challenge and further develop their emotional intelligence.

Consider the challenges that schools experience with developing emotional intelligence in their student population. How does a school best cope with developing emotional intelligence in individual children when they have a span of emotional IQ in their student population much wider than one small family manages?

Here are some examples of ways that schools broadly support the development of emotional IQ:

Raise personal optimism: By explaining that the world is neither good nor bad, it is in a state of flux, always changing, and we must be flexible with it. By showing children that, yes, the world comes with its challenges, but those situations are not pervasive, that they are unique to the time, individual, location or group.

Develop personal empowerment through independence: In the words of Maria Montessori, “Never help a child with a task at which he feels that he can succeed.” By creating classrooms where children have choice in their learning environment and by giving children opportunities to independently practice after receiving lessons, schools are creating environments where children have a say in what they will be learning about and opportunities to practice decision-making skills.

Provide children with opportunities to experience social success by promoting a school culture based upon collaborative support and encouragement, not grounded in competition among peers by extinguishing favoritism for those who have learned earlier how to be socially successful, and by assisting children in developing goals based upon their unique abilities, skill-sets and intellects.

“Our care of the child should be governed, not by the desire to make him learn things, but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called intelligence,” Montessori said.

Michelle Herringer is administrative director at Durango Montessori School, a private, non-profit elementary school located in the Smiley Building, 1309 East Third Ave. Reach her at michelle@durangomontessori.com.



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