Forget climate change, the economy or terrorism for a moment because one of the great challenges of the next three decades is one most aren’t even thinking about – caring for the 78 million baby boomers as they age.
“We’re coming up on a demographic phenomenon,” said Sheila Casey, manager of Senior Services for La Plata County. “There aren’t enough millennials to take care of the aging baby boomers, so this is really going to affect everyone.”
And she means everyone.
“Many of my staff are dealing with this,” Casey said. “People need to understand this affects the workforce as well, because either people have to take time off so they can take care of parents who are aging somewhere else, or they’re here looking for long-term care.”
Much of the caregiving is taking place in the shadows, so there’s no reliable estimate of how many people are taking care of loved ones.
“So many people are silently struggling, overwhelmed with taking care of their parents or relatives,” she said. “Every week I have people coming in dealing with this, it’s more prevalent in our community than people know.”
In 2016, there are 13,000 seniors in La Plata County, about 20 percent of the population, she said. But the fastest growing segment of seniors are the “oldest olds,” those aged 80 and higher. Because of advancements in medical technology, that group is forecast to grow 220 percent by 2040 in Colorado, to 14.1 million older seniors. Ten years later, in 2050, that’s expected to be up to 19 million.
“We just aren’t planning for that,” Casey said. “More and more people are coming in in crisis, so people really need to plan for themselves, their loved ones, and, in rural counties like Southwest Colorado, for their neighbors.”
“You cannot do this by yourself. I don’t care who you are,” said Lynn Emerson, a nurse. She takes care of her husband, 73-year-old Jack Emerson, who is dealing with Lewy Body dementia, which adds hallucinations to the challenging dementia condition.
In addition to two daughters, one of whom lives in the area; a large group of friends; and a caregiver through Shining Star twice a week, one of Emerson’s key resources is Our Place, an outreach program of the First United Methodist Church of Durango. Offering day care as a respite for caregivers of dementia-stricken loved ones, it’s open Monday through Friday.
“Some caregivers are so resistant because the term ‘day care’ has people thinking of preschool or thinking of institutions,” said Tanya Boyce, executive director of Our Place. “Nine times out of 10, people have a great time here, and if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else?”
Some adult children have made promises to parents they’ll keep parents at home or they won’t make any changes to arrangements parents have made, Casey said.
“Sometimes, you just can’t keep those promises,” Casey said. “If care-giving starts affecting your own health or well-being, you have to make different arrangements.”
If anyone has more experience at care-giving than Mary Ann and Terry Maslak, it would be hard to find them. They have cared for her mother, Mary Kochin, whose now approaching 100, for 28 years, and his mother, Mary Maslak, 98, for 26 years, not to mention her aunt for several years. Her aunt, who sank into dementia quickly, found the socialization at Our Place critical in slowing down the progression of the disease, and they still take Mary Maslak several times a week.
“You really have to do it out of love,” Mary Ann Maslak said. “Your life is no longer your own; you’re living for them.”
The Maslaks enjoy an occasional movie, and she finds solace in her flower gardens and the Silent Meadows retreat she runs, but much of life is spent managing day-to-day life and medical and business affairs.
Caregiving can cause huge stress.
“Even though it’s not always physically demanding, it’s mentally taxing,” Emerson said. “I have to tell him what to do, and even when I tell him, he can’t remember by the time he goes in another room.”
Marcy Jung retired from her position as a Fort Lewis College professor to become, as she calls it, “a stay-at-home daughter” to take care of her mother, Betty Jung, 87. They took her to Our Place, which she enjoyed, until Betty Jung broke her hip a year ago. Marcy Jung and her partner have caregivers when they need a respite, and a retired priest from St. Mark’s Episcopal Church often visits.
But there have been rewards, too, Marcy Jung said.
“I think I’ve learned grace and patience,” she said. “I’ve had to let go of time, ‘Now I’m late, oh, well.’ I’ve had to learn a different kind of spontaneity, and it’s strengthened my relationships because I couldn’t do it alone.”
abutler@durangoherald.com
Resistance to Assistance (PDF)
Opportunities with Aging (PDF)
Caregivers Conference Program (PDF)
If You Go
A free Resource Fair for people taking care of loved ones featuring 25 vendors will be held from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Thursday at the Durango-La Plata Senior Center.
Our Place, adult day care for seniors with dementia, is an outreach of the First United Methodist Church of Durango. Hours are 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday at 691 County Road 233, Unit A-8. Reservations may be made by calling 385-5200 or emailing ourplace@fumcdurango.org. Scholarships are available.
