Teaming up

Races, parade mark Day 3

by Garrett Andrews
Herald Staff Writer

Article Last Updated; Saturday, January 31, 2009 10:55PM

From left, Shanti Adair, Jackie Honole and Jessi Gosche reach for beads from Buck Purcell. The Sweepstakes winner at the parade was House of RA by Durango Bagel.

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It was the third day of Snowdown and the sun was shining.

Most of the crowd of about 200 at Friday's Waiter/Waitress Races and Bed Races behind Steamworks Brewing Co. wore sunglasses; some were wrapped in toilet paper. Other attendees had a more obscure connection with Snowdown 2009's Egyptian theme.

"Aliens created the pyramids, everybody knows that," said Ska Brewing Co. employee Bill Whitacre, green antennae sticking from his green bicycle helmet. "And the CIA has been involved from the start."

As a member of Team Outer Space, Whitacre and two other members of the Durango Metropolitan Society charged a wheeled bed holding a fourth team member around a small parking lot, performing such ordinary winter tasks as rapidly gang-making a twin bed with melted-snow-soaked sheets, throwing a toilet brush through a suspended toilet seat target and eating a powdered doughnut as fast as can be performed. Teams went two-at-a-time, and the recorded finish times were kept secret until the results were disclosed after the last race.

Team Great in Bed lived up to its name, taking first place out of 17 teams that raced, but had left the scene by the time the victory was announced, leaving others in the crowd to speculate on members' tawdry whereabouts. Team (expletive) Johnny Cash had nothing to hang its heads about with second place and Team Hump of Da' Nile bumped in at third.

Whitacre was quick to blame his team's bed-rider for Outer Space's disappointing finish.

"(He) has the physical acumen of a 14-year-old," he said disgustedly after the race, adding that he'd like to see the Herald print the man's full name.

The very-authentic Team Ancient Relics nabbed first place in the costume category. The workmanlike Team Pyramid Engineers got second and, saving face, Outer Space took home third place for its interstellar ensembles and the attendant cash and prizes.

Standing around after the race with his team, Josh Ferenz was relieved after a public exhibition of raw flesh. A pusher with Team Next-to-Naked, Ferenz was quick to cover his gold, form-hugging, see-through tights with street clothes after the race and hide his shame.

"I feel a lot better now."

Earlier in the warm afternoon, hospitality-industry employees settled a question as old and muddling as the Sphinx itself: Which is superior at nonsensical obstacle courses, The Ore House or Gazpacho?

Christina's Grill & Bar, it turned out, had what it took and turned in the fastest time in this year's Waiter/Waitress Races. It performed the bizarre course featuring beer-shotgunning, crush-ed-can tossing, tray balancing through a torrent of thrown peanut casings, strawberry milkshake-chugging and making change with a $100 bill, in the fastest time.

"It's always fun. We always try to have alcohol and sexual innuendo and this year was no exception," said Steamworks manager, bartender and event organizer Sean Moriarty.

"One of the girls shot pink milkshake out her nose because she didn't know how to chug."

DJ Sparkmadden, aka Shawn Mathey, pumped house beats from the Steamworks patio down upon the exposed throng. His mix included the Bangles now-ubiquitous 1986 hit "Walk Like an Egyptian," played in tandem with Steve Martin's 1978 jokey ballad "King Tut" at most of this year's Snowdown functions.

Many of the same kohl-eyed local faces could be seen on Main Avenue gearing up for the Snowdown Light Parade later in the evening.

Keeping an eye on the 12th Street and Main Avenue intersection were husband-and-wife Durango Parking and Code Enforcement team Shane and Jerrin Roukema, who each year keep the same junction clear of confused or obstinate drivers.

"(Parking enforcement) does a lot of good stuff," said Shane Roukema, laughing at the bewildering behavior of some of Durango's motorists who were at the moment disregarding the myriad parade postings and temporary traffic barricades.

The department handles traffic control at special events like the Snowdown parade and provides information to visitors. The couple also let slip one bit of personal information, as well.

"We're actually very nice people," said Shane Roukema.

"Don't tell anyone," Jerrin Roukema said with a finger to her lips.

Standing outside the Lost Dog Bar & Grill, and perhaps wishing for colder weather, was a trio of Bella Dance Company dancers, Lexy Silva, 17, Daph-ne Hamilton, 16, and Samantha Purdy, 16. They were offering smiles and a cup of hot chocolate for $2, raising funds for a trip the troupe hopes to take to a New York City Dance Alliance event in Denver next month.

In abrupt contrast was a puckish gang of about nine or 10 unsupervised sixth- and seventh-grade boys, including Anthony Smith, 12, Tanner Civiletto, 12, "the other Tanner," Tanner Valencia, 13, and Tate Dyer, 12. The swarm had been given promotional products from an energy drink company and loosed upon city streets. Crooked hats and the sickly sweet smell of high-fructose corn syrup enveloped at the mention of press credentials.

Manning a crossing path at Ninth Street and Main Avenue were Durango Police Department officer Travis Carpenter and Colorado State Forest Service ranger Amber Ortiz.

"We let people cross as long there's a sufficient gap between the floats," said Carpenter.

He was keeping one eye out for open containers and disorderly conduct, but Carpenter said his main concern at a large public event is always public safety.

"... and as long as I've done this, I haven't had too many problems."

gandrews@durangoherald.com