T’was two days before Christmas, and all through our town
Events of the past year brought smirks or a frown;
We’ll look at what happened, events you all know ’em;
It’s time once again for the Action Line poem.
Plastic bags hung by the U-Scan with care
In hopes that the counselors’ plan would be fair;
“Let’s tax all the bags but just call it a fee
And make this a place in which nothing is free.”
Supporters admitted the plan’s just symbolic,
At which point discussions turned quite vitriolic;
When all around town you could hear people grumbling
The voters were sick of progressivist bumbling.
We’ll manage the turf with molasses and kelp;
We’ll ban outside smoking ’cuz that ought to help;
Allow ADUs so it prompts a barrage,
Of people who rent out your backyard garage.
“Enough is enough,” so the voters proclaim,
And called out the council, referring by name:
On Sweetie, and Dick White and Ms. Rinderlee
On architect Brookie – Repeal that “fee!”
And next came a move with an unpleasant smell,
Approval of plans for a giant hotel;
The Boulevard neighbors had hit a brick wall
To block a new building that’s four stories tall.
But none can compare to a horrible woe:
Inflatables’ rights to the park called Oxbow;
Durango sure has an abundance of rubes
Whose summers are squandered afloat in their tubes.
Meanwhile, an uproar and cleanup ensuing;
Just what was that homeless guy thinking and doing?
His broken jar’s contents became toxic spillage,
Which proves that our town is a “mercury village.”
A few might dismiss all the news economic
A pessimist’s view of a market gone comic;
Yet sales tax rising and hotels a-booking,
It seems like in places that business is cooking.
And Realtors point to a rebound in housing,
Statistics establish the point they’re espousing;
The number of homes that were sold through September
Increased at a pace that is one to remember.
With sales activity up by a third
And prices still rising to levels absurd;
To owners these figures are most heaven sent,
But not so much if an apartment you rent.
The median price in the local ZIP code
Is three sixty-nine for an in-town abode;
Affordable housing the farther you drive,
In Bayfield, the average is two sixty-five.
The weather was wacky and how ’bout that hail?
Denting the vehicles, causing travail;
Is this just an instance of aberrant storming
Or previews of squalls that portend global warming?
In just a few months, we’ll see an election;
Will J. Paul be subject to further rejection?
Or Michael McLachlan in voting that stuns
Due to this area’s fetish for guns?
Can someone explain how it all came to be
The Centennial State is the land of the free?
Restrictions on ammo got people so hot
and citizens voted to legalize pot.
How will the city accommodate herb?
Will standards and zoning be kicked to the curb?
Can downtown turn into a massive head shop
For dope-smoking tourists with money to drop?
Bars should join forces with cannabis cousins
In promoting establishments of which there are dozens;
Durango’s a place for some smoke and a brew,
So, let’s change town’s motto to: “This Bud’s For You”
It seems there’s a party wherever you go;
The music grows louder, and beverages flow;
How silly it seems that we’d even discuss
A cut to the budget and hence the Buzz Bus.
So here’s to the foibles, the missteps and failing;
We’re in this together, despite all the wailing;
There’s snow on the mountain, the days getting longer;
That which can’t kill us will just make us stronger.
The Action Line household bids happy new year
May two thousand fourteen be the one of good cheer;
With abundance much greater than all of the pharaohs
And laughter more numerous than town’s flashing arrows.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you know that two of Santa’s reindeer were originally named Dunder and Blixem, which are older Dutch spellings for thunder and lightening.
