I’ve been off my game lately. That’s how I started an article that I wrote in its entirety last week to turn in to the Durango Herald.
In it I complained of anxiety about what’s to come and when it’ll hit me, trouble handling disappointment, occasional trouble sleeping, increasingly less balance, social and physical awkwardness, and other anxieties.
Then I went on a walk with a friend who advised me not to let dementia define who I am at this time. She pointed out that my doctor reports are very good and that I seem quite normal to people I encounter. This was good advice. I have been defining myself as a person with Alzheimer’s and looking for signs that I’m slipping. Rather than looking forward to a trip to Japan that my husband and I have planned for next spring, I have been worried that my brain won’t be working well then.
This has to stop. My friend is exactly right. From now, on I’m going to try to live my life as though I don’t have Alzheimer’s, at least until I have real signs that I can’t ignore. I’m doing well, and I should enjoy this time for as long as it lasts. I’m not going to worry about small indications that honestly could happen to anyone, and I’m going to take my doctor’s advice to heart. He said I might stay in this stage for 25 more years. I’m healthy, not sick.
By the way, the trip to Europe that I mentioned in my last column (Herald, March 20), where I traveled there and back by myself and met my daughter who led me around France and Spain, went well. I had good help at the airports, especially because I wore the sunflower lanyard that indicates to personnel that I have a disability. Airport staff members were amazingly helpful. I got my lanyard on Amazon for about $6, and I highly recommend it if you’re traveling with Alzheimer’s, hearing loss or any other invisible disability.
Thank you all for your great support.
Kim Martin splits her time between Hesperus and Durango and is a former instructor of Asian history, writing and comparative cultures at Fort Lewis College. She shares her journey with Mild Cognitive Impairment in occasional guest columns.