After an extended period of hibernation, the Guru is ready to return to prognostication.
Your esteemed Guru compiled a 154-99 record last season.
Admirable, but not enough to overcome Mike Phillips, the reigning Gridiron Green champion. I will not stand for second this year. Perfection is my goal.
Now, let us prophesize.
Thursday, Sept. 4
Green Bay at Seattle – Ah, the tradition of the opening game in the defending champion’s house. A famously ferocious defense against Aaron Rodgers. This one is for the birds. Pick: Seahawks, 30-20. Odds: Seattle by 5½.
Sunday, Sept. 7
Minnesota at St. Louis – Neither of these teams enjoyed winning very much last year. Minnesota has Adrian Peterson. St. Louis doesn’t have Sam Bradford. Advantage, Vikings. Pick: Vikings, 17-14. Odds: Minnesota by 4.
Buffalo at Chicago – The Bills are a very intriguing team with second-year quarterback E.J. Manuel and a pair of young burners in C.J. Spiller and Sammy Watkins. You just can’t cover Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall. Pick: Bears, 31-10. Odds: Chicago by 6½.
Washington at Houston – Robert Griffin III should be afraid, very afraid of Jadaveon Clowney and J.J. Watt. Houston’s defense is the stuff of quarterback nightmares and should carry the Texans to a rebound season. Pick: Texans, 17-16. Odds: Texans by 2½.
Tennessee at Kansas City – Arrowhead Stadium reacquired some of its mystique last season during the Chiefs’ surprising playoff run. Having a guy like Jamaal Charles didn’t hurt, either. Kansas City starts up where it left off. Pick: Chiefs, 17-14. Odds: Kansas City by 4½.
New Orleans at Atlanta – I like the Falcons this year. Matt Ryan is a good quarterback, and they can’t possibly be as bad as they were last year. Pick: Falcons, 28-21. Odds: New Orleans by 3.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh – The most compelling storyline of this game has nothing to do with the announced starters. Will Johnny Manziel play? It shouldn’t matter. Pittsburgh’s defense looked sharp in the preseason. That will carry them through. Pick: Steelers, 24-10. Odds: Pittsburgh by 6½.
Jacksonville at Philadelphia – Have faith, Jaguars fans. Your savior, Blake Bortles, has arrived. Just not this week. Chip Kelly is too smart, and his offense goes too fast. Pick: Eagles, 31-13. Odds: Philadelphia by 10.
Oakland at N.Y. Jets – Ew. No one outside of New York or Oakland should watch this game unless they are being punished. Derek Carr leads the Raiders to a win in his first start. Pick: Raiders, 20-14. Odds: New York by 5.
Cincinnati at Baltimore – Even though Ray Rice is suspended, I can’t in good conscience pick his team. Plus, the Andy Dalton to A.J. Green connection returns. Pick: Cincinnati, 20-17. Odds: Baltimore by 2½.
New England at Miami – Tom Brady owns this division. Let’s move along. Pick: Patriots, 26-17. Odds: New England by 4½.
San Francisco at Dallas – Did you watch the 49ers in the preseason? They were awful. Pick: Cowboys, 14-3. Odds: San Francisco by 5½.
Carolina at Tampa Bay – Carolina was there last year. Tampa Bay isn’t there yet. Pick: Panthers, 23-20. Odds: Carolina by 1.
Indianapolis at Denver – It won’t be the emotional roller coaster last season’s meeting was, but we’ll still get a great game. Pick: Broncos, 37-35. Odds: Denver by 7.
Monday, Sept. 8
New York Giants at Detroit, 5:10 p.m. (ESPN) – The Lions are starting to look like a team that can be dangerous, but we’ve said that every year. Eli bounces back in 2014. Pick: Giants, 20-17. Odds: Detroit by 4½.
San Diego at Arizona, 8:20 p.m. (ESPN) – We get two up and coming teams in the second Monday Night Football game of the season. Arizona’s defense looks downright mean. Not picking against them at home. Pick: Arizona, 21-20. Odds: Arizona by 3.
