I took a picture of a strange-looking critter in my backyard this evening. I thought there were no such things as unicorns, especially ones with bad hats. What’s going on around here? – Terry Hobbs
Everyone knows Durango is a badly dressed fantasy land, a place where work is optional but yoga class is mandatory.
The cost of living is way too high, but there’s always money for standup paddleboards, fat-tire snowbikes and the latest skis.
Or, to be fair, a dually pickup truck and new all-terrain vehicle.
Or eating out. Four times a week. Downtown. With drinks.
Then there’s the fact that people who live elsewhere spend an inordinate amount of time and money to have an epic adventure in Durango.
Meanwhile, the people who actually live in Durango spend an inordinate amount of time and money to visit someplace else for an even more epic adventure, such as trekking in Nepal to “find themselves” only to discover wherever you go, there you are.
So naturally, Durango is all unicorns and rainbows.
It’s just that a Durango unicorn is a mangy one-antlered deer having a bad hair day.
And if you want a rainbow, you’ll have to settle for a bag of Skittles.
What can one say? It’s the day after Snowdown. The party’s over.
So what’s up with the ungallant ungulate?
Action Line picked up the horn and called our good friend Joe Lewandowski, ace spokesman for Colorado Parks and Wildlife.
Joe takes great pride that he’s the reigning dean of PIOs. “I’m now the oldest public information officer in the county,” he said.
He also wanted to be referred to as “our deer friend.” Sure.
Joe said that one-antlered deer are common this time of year.
“The antler could have fallen off as a result of a fight, or it could have just fallen off. Deer typically shed their antlers after Christmas when the rut is over.”
As for the deer’s less-than-dashing haberdashery, Joe speculated that it was the remains of one of those collapsible camp chairs that someone left out.
“It doesn’t look like it’s interfering with the deer’s ability to eat or move around, and the antler should fall off naturally,” he said, ruling out an intervention.
But if you see wildlife in distress, call the division at 247-0855.
If you are missing a green camp chair, you should call that number and fess up.
“If people could just take down the hammocks, swings, Christmas lights and outdoor furniture, it would prevent situations like this,” Joe said.
Just the other day, wildlife officials had to tranquilize a moose whose antlers were snagged in a Summit County backyard swing. The moose is OK, but the circumstances were not.
You see, the moose was lured into the backyard by the idiot homeowner who put out a salt lick.
Joe has a long memory of wildlife-junk interactions:
The deer with a volleyball net wrapped around its horns. The critter with a section of stove pipe stuck around its neck.
Even Mrs. Action Line has had a close encounter of the herd kind.
She was headed to the rec center early one morning this past October. In the darkness, Mrs. Action Line saw what looked like a ghost!
But not a real ghost. It was a fake ghost, as in someone wearing a sheet. It was around Halloween, but trick-or-treating at 5:15 a.m.?
Apparently, someone left laundry hanging outside overnight, and a deer must have run into the white bed linens.
The deer got “spooked” and then began a “spirited” run through Animas City. Naturally, it was an erratic journey, as the animal was quite sheet-faced.
So let’s take down the Christmas lights, put away the camp chairs and wrap up the swings.
The buck stops here.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you realize there are just 364 shopping days remaining until Snowdown 2017.
