The Internet is a wonderful thing. I found some interesting facts for the paranoid among us. Judith North (Letters, Herald, Jan. 19) and Edmund Anderssen (Letters, Feb. 23) will be happy to know recent research shows an aluminum foil beanie will protect them from the frequencies emitted by smart meters. If they then duct tape an antenna to the hat, they can actually aim the waves back at the jack-booted LPEA thugs in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, the hat will not protect the space between their ears. Brillo Pad earplugs are recommended for that.

Agenda 21 is truly a United Nations plot to take over our country. Many thousands of U.N. operatives have infiltrated the Girl Scouts and are selling cookies with mind-control chips embedded. Their new motto is “America, one cookie at a time.” Barack Obama was indeed responsible for the attack on the Benghazi embassy. He was actually one of the terrorists who took part in the attack, lighting the first Molotov cocktail. When confronted with this information, his only comment was “my middle name made me do it.”

There is a new product on the market showing promising results. Gay Away Hand Soap will actually wash your gay away if praying it away isn’t working for you. Washing twice a day should do it, unless of course a gay person touches you, then you will have to rewash. They also offer a powder that will turn blue if touched by a gay person, alerting you of the need to rewash. The company guarantees you will not catch gayness if used properly.

Also, chemtrails are real. The government is indeed trying to poison the people of the Four Corners by dropping chemicals from commercial airliners. The influx of Osprey VRTOL: Aircraft seen in the region lately are actually using their helicopter blades to further spread the chemicals as they near the ground. People are advised to use umbrellas when going outdoors.

Ken Van Zee

Durango