DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to a loving man for 15 years. We have been through a lot and, for the most part, have been OK. My son, “Kyle,” is the problem.
I know Kyle is a liar who steals anything not nailed down. Yes, he has a drug habit, but he is still my son.
My husband told me I had to tell Kyle he isn’t welcome at home or our marriage is over, so I gave him my wedding ring. I can’t tell my son he can’t come over.
What do I do now? I don’t want to lose my husband, but I refuse to lose my son as well. – Torn in Two in Tulsa
DEAR TORN IN TWO: If you love your son and your husband, you will tell your husband you spoke hastily and ask for the ring back. Then, you will finally stop enabling Kyle’s drug habit.
Tell Kyle he is no longer welcome in the house and can only cross the threshold when he completes rehab and starts to make amends. This is creating boundaries. It may be painful, but it is important that you to do it for the benefit of your son.
DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college and had difficulty finding employment for several months. Then, I was just offered a position better than I ever expected. It is much closer to my dream job and I am over-the-moon with happiness. The problem is my partner, “Gavin.”
Gavin graduated a semester before I did with a different degree and still doesn’t have a job. He applies for dozens of jobs a day, gets an interview a week and, after they ask about his GPA, he never hears from them. He has become frustrated and projects his frustration onto our relationship.
I want to celebrate my accomplishment with my partner. I need Gavin’s support, but I’m torn when I tell him a new detail about it because I see in his face how upset he is. How do I avoid compromising my happiness? – Working Woman in Orlando, Fla.
DEAR WORKING WOMAN: I recommend, out of respect for your partner’s sensitive feelings, to stop crowing about your jubilation. It may take Gavin a while to find a job in his field, or he may have to consider taking something else until he finds his dream job.
No two people’s career paths are the same. If you and Gavin are sensitive and mature enough, you will make it through this challenging period.
www.DearAbby.com.
