Dear Abby: I am a 57-year-old man who has been divorced for eight years. (My ex-wife was the one who filed.) I recently reconnected with my ex-wife’s sister, “Edith,” whom I hadn’t seen in years. We began a friendship, which has evolved into a serious relationship.
My ex is having issues with our romance and has been trying to turn friends, our grown children and our parents against us. We are both single and enjoy each other’s company. Is there any reason why we should not pursue this relationship, because “we’re upsetting my ex-wife’s family”? – Two Lovers In New York
Dear Two Lovers: When your wife left you, she lost the right to dictate what you should do with your life – including whom you date or even marry next. She is acting like the proverbial dog in the manger, and I sincerely hope your friends and family don’t let her get away with it. Now go and have a good life, because you and Edith deserve one.
Dear Abby: Ever since I can remember, I have felt like my mother hates me. Growing up, my two brothers got whatever they wanted while I had to beg for things I wanted. An example: My brothers were given a car for graduation; I got contact lenses. Neither one could do anything wrong in my mother’s eyes, but whatever I did was wrong.
Now that I’m an adult, she still treats me this way, and it’s making me depressed. I have medical issues that she refuses to believe I have. What can I do to make my mother like me? – Depressed Daughter In Pennsylvania
Dear Depressed: It would be interesting to know what kind of a relationship your mother had with her own mother because it’s possible that she’s repeating a pattern she learned when she was a child.
I’m sorry you are hurting because of the way she has treated you, but it isn’t possible to “make” somebody – even a parent – have feelings that just aren’t there. What might help you is to discuss your dysfunctional relationship with your mother with a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that if there is fault involved, it belongs solely with her and not you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
