Gold Star families gathered in Durango this weekend for the Colorado Gold Star Healing Conference, a chance for parents who have lost children in military service to find comfort, connection and understanding in one another.
“It allows us the opportunity to come together and be with others that get it. We may all be at different stages of our grief, yet we can support others as they can support us – often in ways that the rest of the world cannot,” said Jill Williams, a Gold Star mother and coordinator of the conference. “We are here to change the ‘they were’ to ‘they are.’ We each have stories about our kids that need to be heard and need to be told. This is what keeps them alive and never forgotten.”
On Saturday morning, attendees gathered at the Veterans of Foreign Wars Building for a Color Guard Routine, followed by two speakers who shared stories about the children they lost. The morning event closed with a video roll call featuring each child who had died in the service of the U.S. military.
The first speaker, Georgia McNabb, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, paused at times – seemingly lost in memories – as she spoke about her son, Barett Wamblic McNabb.
A slideshow of photos ran behind Georgia as she spoke, offering a glimpse into Barett’s life. The crowd saw Barett grow from a grinning, blond-haired toddler into a handsome, broad-shouldered man dressed in Army-issue camouflage – still with the same grin, one that softened the threat of the large, automatic rifle slung at his side.
“That man did not know how to not smile,” Georgia said.
A photo of him stretched out on the floor with his two Great Danes. A photo of him jumping on the trampoline with his son. A photo of him in the Afghan desert, dressed in full combat gear.
Another photo, this time of his friends wearing Army issue dress blues. They stare solemnly at the camera, holding a framed photo of Barett.
Not pictured: The day Georgia’s life split into the before, and the after. But she talked about it.
She recalled the moment two men in uniform came to her door, and her disbelief that her son could have died without her knowing.
“Because I didn’t feel him die, I couldn’t accept it,” she said. “That day, I lost my heart, and for six years, I basically was a zombie … but even if it takes that long, you can start moving forward and start remembering all these wonderful, good times.”
Bobby Cotter, the second and final speaker, said he tries to remember the good times every day. He and his wife have attended Gold Star and TAPS events since the death of their daughter, Samantha “Sam” Cotter, three years ago.
Sam was adventurous, outgoing and active – traits that seemed to suit her bright shock of cropped red hair. She died while serving in the Air Force, a loss her father described as sharp but softened by the chance to talk about her.
He spoke candidly, remembering her as a young woman who loved to have fun, was curious about life and still finding her way. In high school, she joined nearly every sports team.
“I didn’t have a Tiger Woods,” Cotter said with a laugh. “What she did have, though, was heart.”
That heart, he said, comes back to him not just in memory, but in conversations.
“We come to these because we want to talk,” Cotter said. “We want to talk about our kids.”
The event closed with a 15-minute slideshow featuring 33 young men and women – the children of the Gold Star parents.
A reminder flicks across the screen – “Freedom isn’t free.”
jbowman@durangoherald.com
