Two women in La Plata County were shot and killed earlier this month by former romantic partners.
“This happens everywhere. Domestic violence happens everywhere – in every community – including Durango, Colorado,” said Val Ross, director of Alternative Horizons. “Domestic violence is lethal and deadly and has the potential to be lethal and deadly, always. What we want to communicate is how much danger survivors are in on a daily basis, and how the decisions they make are in response to that danger.”
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and advocates say this year’s observance feels especially urgent.
“There are probably people in our community right now who are thinking about domestic violence in a way they never have before,” Ross said.
In 2024, the La Plata County District Attorney’s Office handled 290 domestic violence cases – five involving firearms. As of late October 2025, that number had already reached 295, again with five cases involving guns. But those figures only scratch the surface, as domestic violence is widely underreported.
Often, the image people have of domestic violence doesn’t match the reality of what intimate-partner violence looks like behind the scenes. It is not just physical violence, but often includes financial and psychological abuse – and in many cases, there may be no physical violence at all.
Abusers often attempt to control all facets of their partners’ lives and isolate them from family, friends and support systems, said Ross, whose organization, Alternative Horizons, is the primary provider of support and services for survivors of domestic violence in La Plata and San Juan counties.
That is why the manner in which people offer help is critically important.
Ross and Holly, an advocate at Alternative Horizons who asked to use only her first name for safety reasons, said that understanding survivors’ mindsets is essential to providing meaningful help.
Supporters of domestic violence survivors should focus on offering nonjudgmental, agenda-free support, they said. Survivors’ decisions may often appear counterintuitive – like staying in unsafe situations – but those choices are shaped by complex safety considerations.
“The most important thing is making space for people to have autonomy – to make their own choices without fear of judgment,” Holly said. “Many times, survivors’ choices – like staying in a relationship – might not make sense to outsiders. But those choices are about survival, made in response to risk for themselves and their children.”
Friends and family should avoid trying to “fix” the situation or tell survivors what to do, since controlling or directive behavior can unintentionally mirror the abuser’s actions and make survivors feel unsafe, she said.
Ross added that immediate action isn’t always what survivors need. “Often, they just need someone to listen and believe them,” she said.
About 80% of the work Alternative Horizons does is listening, Holly said. Efforts to “rescue” survivors can sometimes increase their danger. The most effective form of help, she said, is maintaining compassionate connection and reducing their isolation – the very condition that allows abuse to persist.
Alternative Horizons operates a 24/7 crisis hotline and provides direct services to about 300 new clients each year, including ongoing safety planning. “Sometimes engagement starts with a compassionate ear,” Ross said. “For others, it’s a longer-term safety and support plan.”
At the La Plata County Courthouse, Molly Imber, the victim and witness services coordinator for the 6th Judicial District Attorney’s Office, works directly with survivors navigating the justice system.
She describes her role as “about 6 inches wide and a mile deep,” focusing specifically on victim safety and court processes. Each day, she reaches out to recent victims, ensuring they have a voice in protection orders, bond conditions and the court process.
Imber’s advocacy is rooted in nonjudgmental support – emphasizing that a survivor’s willingness or ability to leave an abusive relationship does not determine the quality of advocacy or justice they receive.
“Our office will handle the case independently of that,” she said. “My level of advocacy does not change depending on what the status of your relationship is like.”
“The best thing we can all do is not be judgmental – not think that we know better than they do about what their relationship means to them,” Imber said. “If you can sit in nonjudgment with that person, you might be the person they go to when they’re ready to leave – and sometimes that can be the difference between life and death.”
She noted that recent funding cuts to violence-prevention programs have further strained already limited resources. “Even before the cuts, there have always been more needs than resources,” she said.
Some procedural changes have helped, however. During the COVID-19 pandemic, courts adopted virtual hearings, allowing survivors to appear remotely – a safety measure that remains in place. “It gives survivors a sense of security and helps reduce retraumatization,” Imber said.
While her job can be emotionally taxing, Imber said it is worth it when survivors feel empowered to seek help again.
“If the way I interact with a survivor means the difference between them feeling like they can call 911 next time – because they know they’ll be taken seriously and not judged – that matters,” she said. “Sometimes that can be the difference between life and death.”
Imber believes prevention must begin with education and social change. By the time law enforcement or the legal system is involved, she said, it is already too late to prevent the abuse.
“Domestic violence is an epidemic in America. Rates are only going up. It is only getting worse,” Imber said. “And I think that when we start talking about prevention, it really begins with how we are raising young men in our community.
“We need to raise young men with emotional literacy and challenge traditional gender norms,” she said. “Prevention starts at home and in schools.”
Imber acknowledged that not all perpetrators are men – about 24% of survivors are male, according to national data – but said the dynamics of intimate-partner violence can differ depending on gender.
“Physical violence can be less of the tool that women are using – they may use other forms of control,” she said. “But ultimately, if we didn’t live in a society that has historically upheld one gender so much over the other, I don’t think you’d see domestic violence as the far-reaching problem that it is.”
jbowman@durangoherald.com
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence:
Alternative Horizons 24/7 Hotline: (970) 247-9619
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233 or thehotline.org
In an emergency: Call 911
All services provided by Alternative Horizons are free, confidential and available to people of all genders, regardless of whether they choose to leave their relationship.
