If I had a nickel for every time the words, “I should …” came into my thoughts or speech, I’d have a big ole bucket of coins, especially this time of year.
From ghosts, to pumpkins, to gnomes – it’s a transition that occurs almost faster than you can say, “I should.” Cha-ching, there’s another nickel.
As much as I’d like to use these coins for holiday expenses, I know full well that the holiday demands, prefaced with “I should” will result in a deficit to my mental health.
Need help?
When food security is your stress, you have a community with resources, find them at https://www.goodfoodcollective.org/food-assistance.
You see, the problem with “I should (or shouldn’t)” statements is that they are a form of negative thought patterns. Like a domino effect, one negative thought frequently follows another (also referred to as rumination), potentially leaving your cortisol (stress hormone) high, while your physical and mental well-being fall flat.
Repeating the same negative thought only reinforces the underlying message, one of hopelessness or fear.
Consider these familiar statements as a case in point: “I should thoroughly clean my house before hosting a party,” or “I shouldn’t eat that.”
In the first example, what will you have to give up to make time for a thorough house cleaning? Maybe it’s time for exercise or another form of self-care. Maybe it’s time spent with family or friends. Either way, it can lead to a sense of hopelessness related to an inability to do it all or a fear of failure for dropping the ball on favorable habits, like self-care.
In the second example, what happens when you indecisively grapple with eating a food you’ve restricted? Guilt, self-loathing, disappointment, fear of missing out, fear of failing. Either way, nothing good.
It would be mission impossible to try to stop thoughts before they arrive. Those “I should” statements will happen. However, you can choose to reframe those thoughts once they’ve landed.
One of my favorite ways to reframe a thought is with a little pushback. An odd sense of satisfaction comes from me challenging me. I should, but what if I don’t? Or the opposite, I shouldn’t, but what if I do?
The power of this reframing is that it gives you pause to weigh the pros and cons. It’s your tool for decisional balance. And any statement that begins with “I should” indicates you’re undecided.
As you sit on the fence, let your values be the wind that pushes you to one side or the other. Maybe, in this moment, a clean house really is more important than water aerobics or movie night wth your partner. Maybe the dessert is worth 100 calories a bite.
When you say “I should” with confidence, it transforms into a statement of “I will (or will not).” I can almost guarantee a decision like this pays way better on your health investment than a nickel for your negativity.
Nicole Clark is director of La Plata County Extension Office. Reach her at nclark@lpcgov.org.
