After Cody Ledford, an Escalante Middle School student, died by suicide last year, his family asked everyone who was concerned to send donations to La Plata County 4-H in lieu of flowers.
The request raised $20,000 and prompted the family to start the CODY Project, short for Communities Overcoming Depressed Youth Project, said Rhonda Ledford, Cody’s mom.
While an intern for the La Plata County 4-H office, Tyllor Ledford, Cody’s sister, started the organization about a month after her younger brother died in May 2017.
“I don’t want another kid to feel like my brother must have felt, being lost and not thinking they have any other choice but to end their own lives,” said Tyllor, a junior at Texas Tech University.
She remembers her brother as outgoing and caring.
“He would always do stuff for everybody else before himself. Like if he had a dollar in his pocket, it was a dollar spent on one of his friends or someone else,” she said.
The family decided to start the suicide prevention project through 4-H because Tyllor and Cody were longtime members of the organization, and the group of about 300 members countywide had seen other losses.
Since 2016, 4-H members, Cody, 14, and Thomas “T.C.” Rockwell, 13, have died by suicide. A former 4-H member, Ethan Kremer, 12, died by suicide in May.
The deaths have touched many lives within the 4-H community and generated support for the project, Rhonda said.
The CODY Project is run by a few adult advisers and about three teenagers, who recruit other teens to participate in events. The group is working to prevent suicide by holding mental wellness trainings for 4-H members and working to create more open communication about suicide among 4-H members and in the community.
The group also brings teens and professional suicide prevention groups together at events.
For example, the CODY Project has hosted San Juan Basin Public Health, a group organizing communitywide suicide prevention efforts, and Axis Health System, which provides integrated physical and behavioral health care.
Before the CODY Project, no one organization was trying to bring together different groups working on suicide prevention, Tyllor said.
“We can work as a bridge or a glue that brings in all these pieces together,” she said.
Teens are a linchpin in suicide prevention because they may notice strange behavior their peers are exhibiting that adults may overlook.
“They know so much more about this situation than we give them credit for, and they know how important they are in this,” Tyllor said.
Teens who are struggling with their emotions may also be more inclined to talk to their friends than their parents, she said.
In Cody’s case, he confided in friends that he was feeling suicidal after the death of T.C. and two concussions, which can be a risk factor for suicidal thoughts.
His friends told a school counselor about Cody’s thoughts, who told Cody’s mom, Rhonda. Rhonda took Cody to Axis for crisis care and later got him into private counseling, Rhonda said. Tyllor credits Cody’s friends for lengthening his life.
Once the Ledford family began sharing their story about Cody’s death, Tyllor found many others were willing to talk about depression, suicide attempts or deaths by suicide.
“Everybody has been affected by this, and once you bring it up, you think: ‘Oh, why is this so scary. If all of us are affected by it, why are we so scared to talk about it?’ Just like, all of us have hair and we talk about how we do our hair,” she said.
Shaylee Owen, 15, who helps run the CODY Project, has seen the group’s efforts to open up communication about suicide pay off in the last year.
“It has helped people feel like they can talk about it and not be shamed for that. So that’s definitely made a difference,” said Shaylee, a Bayfield High School sophomore.
The CODY Project has planned its events on the anniversaries of 4-H members’ deaths, which helped reframe what would otherwise be bad days, Owen said.
The events serve as reminders that friends and loved ones can miss those who died, but also enjoy memories of them, she said.
On the anniversary of Cody’s death, the group held a Mental Health Mardi Gras in May 2018 that featured games such as human foosball, a yoga class to help address anxiety and opportunities to talk with health professionals.
Even though suicide is a serious topic, Tyllor said she wants to create environments that ensure attendees are not daunted by the subject and can feel comfortable discussing it.
Shaylee’s mom, Jessie Kugle, took a similar approach when she led a mental wellness workshop for 4-H members at a regional leadership event. She showed a funny video to demonstrate how no one would ask you to shake off a broken leg and you shouldn’t shake off a mental health condition.
She has also led a discussion about how students can take care of their mental health, encouraged them to talk about how they are feeling and recommended people they can talk to about it.
Kugle’s best friend died by suicide many years ago, and she struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts herself afterward. Shortly after Cody died, she shared her story with 4-H members and talked with them about the grief process. She has about 20 students who now feel like they can confide in her.
“I don’t sugarcoat anything, and I’m 100 percent real with them,” she said.
Strong relationships among teens and between teens and adults are a key suicide prevention step and the focus of many prevention efforts across La Plata County.
Adult leaders in 4-H have also participated in Question Persuade Refer trainings, which cover how to question suicidal people about their feelings, persuade them to seek professional help and refer them to local mental health providers.
Kugle said she observed greater awareness about suicide risks while she was at the La Plata County Fair this summer, awareness she attributes to the CODY Project. After a 4-H participant was kicked in the head by a steer, many fair attendees were sensitive to the link between concussions and suicide, she said.
The CODY Project is in the process of developing its mental wellness curriculum for teens.
Tyllor would like to see trainings happen monthly or bimonthly with professionals and incorporate social media literacy trainings, she said.
While social media can function to connect family and friends, it can also have an isolating effect, she said.
“You see pictures of a person’s picture-perfect life, where everything is all fine. ... And you think, ‘How come I’m not like that?’” she said.
She also sees a need for more mental wellness education in elementary schools that would teach students to accept feelings of sadness or anger and how to process them.
Tyllor is studying agriculture and applied economics, but founding the CODY Project sparked her interest in health care, particularly work similar to the community organizing she has done with the CODY Project.
She describes the work as having no end, but she celebrates small successes, such as when other groups seek out the CODY Project for partnerships and she sees people she doesn’t know wearing CODY Project wristbands.
“The passion is spreading throughout the 4-H community and it’s very awesome to see,” she said.
The CODY Project meets at 6:30 p.m. every third Wednesday of the month at the Extension Building at the La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.
A bike ride in memory of T.C. Rockwell, who died by suicide, will be held at 6:30 p.m. Nov. 8. Riders will meet at Rotary Park and cycle to the fairgrounds. Food, games, music and mental health resources will be set up at the fairgrounds.
mshinn@durangoherald.com
