When young mother Carli Walker moved to Durango with her husband, she had hopes of making friends. But it wasn’t so easy.
In Chicago, she had joined mothers’ social groups, where she found support that was encouraging.
But Durango was different. For a stay-at-home mom new to town, meeting people proved difficult.
So Walker, mother of one with another on the way, started something herself, and she did it in the most practical way she knew how: She used a website.
“I told my husband, ‘After I have this baby, if there is nothing else, I’m going to start one.’”
Walker used Meetup.com, a bulletin-board website where members can post events and others sign up. She knew a social-media format was the way to go, but she also did things the old-fashioned way and handed out a few flyers.
What happened next surprised her.
“At first, only two people joined,” she said. “Then, I asked them to get the word out.”
That was in April. Now, just seven months later, the Durango Moms and Kids Play Group has 121 members. There’s even a Bayfield chapter.
“We’re probably getting two to five new members a week at this point.”
The format is simple: by the members, for the members. While there is a local faith-based group that meets twice a month for mothers with young children, Walker’s group is different.
“This group can be whatever the group itself wants it to be,” she said. “We allow every single member to create their own event.”
Almost daily, there are park play dates, cupcake parties, book exchanges, babywear-get-togethers, Strider bike rides and walks on the Animas River Trail – anything and everything pertaining to moms and kids having fun.
The Halloween party was a hit with more than 100 kids, friends and families. Their first Christmas, at a coveted venue downtown, is in the works. There are open-gym days, meet and greets, yoga – you name it, literally.
Walker calls it an easy way to network, get support or just make friends.
For some, it’s much more that. Many women experience emotional changes after having a baby. They may experience the “baby blues,” with feelings of fatigue or being overwhelmed, but others go through something more severe.
Kelly MacNiven moved to Durango from Austin, Texas, last spring with her husband, Casey. She had their son, Carter, in December and didn’t anticipate the emptiness and loneliness that often could overrun her.
MacNiven had postpartum depression, and it left her feeling exhausted, confused, isolated and alone.
“It was my first baby, and things were really hard,” she said. “It was a really big life-changing thing. I think it’s something that people need to talk about more.”
MacNiven said she often felt like she was just a bad mother. With help from the group, she would learn otherwise.
Dr. Judith Vanderryn agreed. A clinical psychologist in private practice in Durango, she said postpartum depression, or PPD, is a reality.
“It’s probably hormonal,” Vanderryn said. “It’s not something that people used to talk about. They talk about baby blues, feeling let down and tired. That’s kind of normal, but PPD is something different. It’s a real phenomenon. There can be fatigue, difficulty sleeping. One of the big things is a sense of loss of pleasure.”
Vanderryn said PPD is treatable in a variety of ways, but often, just communicating is significant.
“People feel very isolated, and that’s a big part of the depression: isolation,” she said. “Feeling like a bad mother is typical. It’s an awful thing to have this wonderful baby, to look forward to it, then to be feeling in some part of yourself that you can’t handle it. It’s awful to go up against that in yourself, so that’s what most people come up with – ‘I’m a bad mother.’”
MacNiven said the group changed all of that for her.
“It was just so comforting to know that what I was experiencing was relatively normal and that others were going through the same thing,” she said. “All these feelings I was having didn’t make me a bad mom or a bad person; it was just a part of a condition that I had.”
She said she didn’t feel alone anymore.
“We do all kinds of stuff,” she said about the group. “(Carter) just loves being around other babies. That’s the biggest thing – just feeling like you’re a part of something and have people that can relate to that.”
MacNiven’s husband, Casey, agreed.
“There are a lot of tough issues that come along, and they’re all going through the same things,” he said. “They can talk to each other and meet up.”
Lindsay Hayden called the group a lifesaver. The Fort Lewis College math professor said her son Dakota, 2½, loves the play dates in the park.
“It’s a real favor,” she said. “Getting out and making friends and feeling like I’m part of this community again.”
Walker said the meet-up group is designed to get women and kids together, and that’s what it does. There always is something for the kids, but the monthly “girl’s night out” is a favorite. Baby sitters help them let their hair down.
“Durango is a small town,” she said. “There are a lot of young families moving here, and they don’t know anyone. I’ve always been a firm believer that moms and women need to stick together. They need a sounding board.
“We’re a nonjudgmental community,” she continued. “We can talk about anything and everything and just be honest with each other about what being a mom is all about.”
Because of the group’s success, Walker has started a Facebook page and a blog based on the idea of a community of moms.
“I’m just trying to be a source of good information,” she said. “I’ve had so many people tell me they don’t know what they would have done if they hadn’t come upon this moms group. I needed this for myself, but I realized how many other people have been helped by having this community.”
bmathis@durangoherald.com
On the Net
Durango Moms and Kids Play Group: www.meetup.com/Durango-Moms-and-kids-Play-Group
