So, Betsy DeVos is celebrating her confirmation as secretary of Education (or, as Betsy would phrase it, “edukayshun”). She exudes confidence in her ability to take shorthand and type a mean 80 words a minute. As she practices her dictation skills. Using her hubby as a stand-in “boss,” she sips Dom Perignon and displays a dramatic upward curve of her mouth (often mistaken for a smile).
I can almost hear her murmuring to herself: “I’ll show them what a crackerjack secretary I will be! But first, I must dash off thank-you checks to all of the Republican senators (except Susan and Lisa, who are just jealous).
“A special note for Sen. Cory Gardner. Looks like the $49,000 I ‘donated’ to him last year did the trick! Thanks, Cory! Marco, of course, required a cool $100,000; these Cubans are such high-maintenance.”
Betsy returns her focused attention to her laptop.
“Honey!” (she calls to an unseen presence who is pouring a double Scotch in the adjacent room). “Will you time me? I need to practice for my first day. I don’t want them to think I’m unqualified for this job!”
“They already think that, Betsy; they just don’t care,” comes the soft, barely audible reply. In a continued whisper, he breathes: “I’ll just write another check for a million dollars to Donald Trump to express our gratitude ...”
“Sounds like a plan!” Betsy exults, grinning from ear to ear.
Later, as she sits down to dinner, humming the theme from “Titanic,” Betsy sighs: “I just wish I understood what Al Franken meant by ‘proficiency’ and ‘growth.’ Oh well, I’m sure there will be someone there to explain all that to me! After all, this is my first actual job, and I can’t be expected to understand everything!
“It’s a good thing I went to all those private schools, right honey? They’ve prepared me to meet this greatest of challenges, right honey?”
“Right, honey. But if you really want a job, I’d hang on to those secretarial skills. Something tells me you’re going to need them. Goodnight, Betsy.”
“Goodnight, honey!”
Pray for our children.
Mary Benson
Durango
