DEAR ABBY: I have been married 14 years and have two children. The first three years of marriage were great. We both cared for and respected each other. As our children grew older and our jobs became more demanding, my husband changed our sex life.
After our third year of marriage, my husband started to rape me. No one knows except an ex-sister-in-law.
At first, I didn’t really understand what was happening. He used force and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I went along with it at first. But over the years it became worse.
I told him it’s not OK, but if I speak up, it leads to a fight. He says I don’t show him I care for him and we don’t have sex enough, so this is his way of getting it.
Abby, I have lost respect for the man I married and I no longer want to be intimate with him, because he doesn’t respect me or my body. The only reason I have stayed this long is for my children. Is there hope in him changing? – Sleeping on the Couch
DEAR SLEEPING ON THE COUCH: What you’re going through is spousal rape, which is domestic abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. The level of hostility in your home isn’t healthy for you or your children.
Because your husband may become violent if you tell him the marriage is over, contact RAINN at (800) 656-4673 or rainn.org, and let them help you form a safe escape plan. It is not normal for a man to treat a woman the way your husband has. He is unlikely to change, and you need to care for yourself and your children.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is in her 30s. She’s a beautiful woman and a wonderful mother to our three children, and my soul mate. We’ve been married 10 years. She has many qualities I love and admire, but also one that causes me serious concern: her slouchy posture. She slouched a little when we married, but her posture has worsened dramatically since then.
We have spent thousands of dollars on personal trainers, massage and chiropractic. When we (infrequently) quarrel, she unconsciously slouches more, which drives me crazy. She’s willing to see professional medical practitioners, but is unwilling to accept any responsibility for it. I can’t bring it up without her getting bristly and defensive, but it’s getting worse every year. It’s also taking a toll on our relationship. I’d appreciate any advice you could share. – Desperate for Straight Talk
DEAR DESPERATE: If your wife’s posture is the only thing about her that causes you “serious concern,” you are a lucky man. Believe me when I tell you I have been told far worse.
Correcting one’s posture takes constant vigilance and determination. It’s not easy, and not everyone is able to manage it. Slouching is a defensive posture, and if she slouches even more when you raise the subject, it may have something to do with the way you’re doing it.
www.DearAbby.com
