I didn’t get Snowdown Follies tickets. And I don’t want to dress up in tights and a cape for the comic-con theme. What am I supposed to do this week? – Putting the “down” in Snowdown
Action Line wields vast powers, but Follies tickets are a chunk of kryptonite.
If you missed out on last week’s four-day ticket auction, the situation can be summed up by porcine pronouncer Porky Pig:
“Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The, Th-Th ... That’s all, folks!”
Time for Plan B: the Follies videocast at the Animas City Theater.
That, or pay the evil scalpers who use Snowdown for personal enrichment and violate the event’s spirit of community fun.
But Snowdown is far more than the Follies amateur comedy show featuring professional lights and sound.
This year’s theme is “comic-con” and not “Superhero” (which was the theme in 2005). So time to think outside the Hall of Justice.
Comic-con is a shortened version of comic convention, a phenomenon in which fans, comic writers and collectors get together. Attendees will often have elaborate costumes of their favorite characters.
It’s all about comics – like aforementioned Porky Pig.
You could always “dress up” like Porky Pig by not wearing any pants.
On second thought, let’s think of some other characters less likely to get you an indecent exposure citation.
There’s army garb for Beetle Bailey. How about cowboy outfits of the Lone Ranger or Red Ryder?
Super Mario Brothers, Archie, the nerdy Clark Kent before he turns into Superman. Why not try Betty Boop? Tarzan and Jane? Pokemon?
Heck, you could even emulate local stereotypes who are comic characters in their own right.
There’s “Peter Pan.” This describes just about every male Durango resident devoted to snowboarding, kayaking and climbing at the expense of serious work and committed relationships.
Another easy local character is “Earth Muffin.” Don’t shave your legs, wear a broom skirt and carry around a hemp tote with a bottle of patchouli and an organic mung-bean sandwich inside.
The “Bitter, Angry Old-Timer” takes little effort. Just be against everything. Demand the city take recreation money for roads. Then use municipal services while insisting someone else pay for them.
The list goes on: Dog Hair Fleece Lady, Carhartt n’ Flannel Bro, Yoga Mommy. Durango is rich with truthful parodies.
In other words, be yourself and you’ll fit right in.
Or take it up a notch. Head downtown to Animas Trading Co. and check out the great Snowdown costumes and accessories.
Magpies Newsstand is the official Snowdown store, with hats, T-shirts and more.
Cruise up and down Main to see all the cool stuff local merchants have available for comic-con.
Snowdown can be as intense or irrelevant as you wish. That’s why it’s still going strong after 41 years.
Our loyal correspondent John Griffiths had an interesting take on Snowdown, which is a ridiculous spectacle, and on national politics, which is a ridiculous spectacle.
He sends along the following “Special to Action Line” fake news dispatch:
“In a surprise deal, Snowdown announces that the fed’l gummint purchased the parade barriers for more than $5 billion,” he writes.
“Older people might remember that the local gummint forced Snowdown to purchase barriers to make the parade nanny-safe.
“Snowdown was fortunate to get an Israeli Army surplus deal on enough barricades to keep the crowds away from the candy and beads along 11 blocks of parade.”
The White House says, “through a mad-rat attorney,” that Snowdown barricades “would fulfill the security requirements of the southern border emergency for five days, starting Jan. 30.”
That’s one way to Make Snowdown Great Again!
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 80301. You can request anonymity if you’ve ever wondered by they call them parade “floats” when there’s not water in the street.