Aren’t Durango street addresses supposed to be in numerical order? Check out the house numbers on the south side of West Park Avenue, the street between Fassbinder Park and the Animas River. Here’s the order for the last five houses on the street as you head east: 175, 183, 185, 135, 1645. There are the obvious issues with emergency response, mail and first-time visitors finding the right address. Even more concerning is the thought of the lost Domino’s driver delivering cold pizza long after halftime. Not to be a numerophobe, but I don’t like when the natural order of the world is disrupted. – C. Quential
It’s a pleasure for Action Line to address the problem of addresses. You might say on a “number” of levels.
First, it “opens the door” for vile puns and stupid jokes … such as:
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Annie.”
“Annie who?
“Annie Von Holme.”
Thus, we have now reached the “threshold” in homely door humor from your resident insider.
None of which explains the peculiar numeric progression along West Park Avenue.
So Action Line hit the streets, so to speak.
More like hit the phones, calling a variety of city departments for clarification, edification and elucidation.
“It’s weird how some numbers don’t make sense,” said one person who acknowledged the quirk but spoke only under the condition of identity protection.
After all, clearly visible house numbers on public streets require strict secrecy.
Action Line’s deep-state snitches pointed out that the West Park Avenue neighborhood was annexed into the city a long, long time ago.
“It was either in 1886 or in the early 1900s,” one source said. “So I really doubt there are any records around. I’m not sure where or how to even begin looking.”
However, the house number that seems the most out of place – 1645 – has a perfectly reasonable explanation.
That domicile’s legal address is 1645 Main Ave.
However, its front door faces West Park Avenue. Oh well.
The next-door neighbor, to the west, is 135 West Park Ave. It seems logical for a house that’s the second one down the block to have that number.
But how the heck can the next house down be numbered 185?
At least the addresses that follow make sense – 183 and then 175 and so on.
It brings up some interesting additional questions.
Should we refer to Durango’s early inhabitants as Ancestral Dyslexics?
Did our frontier town celebrate the 1892 Leap Year by creating a Leap Address?
Is this what they mean by the Law of Unintended Consequentials?
Do we need to erect a sign reading “Out of Order” on the addresses that are literally out of order?
And what about the plight of all the hopelessly lost pizza drivers?
La Plata County Search and Rescue confirmed it has never had to save a disoriented delivery person who has been driving around town for five days looking for an address that’s just not there.
Nevertheless, local volunteers are ready should Operation Pepperoni need to be launched.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if your address is a P.O. box.
