Bill “the bard” Shakespeare – who is said’eth to have written plays for the uncurried common-folk of his day – would have been right at home at the Snowdown Beer Pong event at the Garage on Thursday night.
Competitors prepared for the drunk-inspired event by scratching in unsightly places, fist-bumping, alternating beer-holding hands and exchanging scented “legal in Colorado” high fives.
“The joke about this bar is that it’s where students and people from New Mexico go,” quote’eth one competitor.
It was the size and type of crowd that had squires in attendance moving yon wallets to yon front pockets.
“Keep your drinks off the table,” MC and co-owner Clinton Holnback called out in laying down the rules. “And don’t drink the water – obviously. This is a bar, it’s clean but not that clean.”
Sixty-four two-person teams squared off at opposite ends of plank tables – each end festooned with a frat-worthy number of red cups anchored by water instead of beer. The object – throw pingpong balls into the opponents’ cups.
“Aim for the hole!” cried out a beer-goggled maiden with a mischievous grin.
Over shots, under shots, bounce shots, intentional shots at opponents’ nether regions and splash down shots ensued. There were arched backs, swayed backs and teetering backs.
“I carried you on my back!” declared one losing teammate. “Like this,” he added, buckling his knees and bending over to walk back and forth between the tables.
Meanwhile Jefferey Herrera of Ignacio was hailed by his teammate as MVP’eth thus far. Herrera bestowed upon the gathered peasants the source of his ability to handle small balls.
“I practiced a lot in high school and in my younger 20s,” he said. “And I just didn’t think about it.”
Befitting the spirit of the seven-hour event – it is unknown who the winners were.
“The winners were locals, but they took the bracket with them to celebrate, and I didn’t get their names,” Holnback said the following morning.