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Bride-to-be walks fine line

DEAR ABBY: I recently started planning my wedding. Half the friends I want as bridesmaids are very conservative. They think sex is sacred and should be talked about only discreetly, not joked about, mentioned on TV, etc. I used to hold similar views, but I no longer do. Neither do the other half of the girls I want as bridesmaids.

My dream bachelorette party is the kind you see in movies, a group of girls going out on the town getting tipsy – maybe being a little stupid – nothing dangerous, with sexy games/favors and casually swapping sex tips and double entendres. That may not be possible with my straight-laced friends, whom I really like and would like to include.

I pick up on others’ feelings easily, so I can’t ignore when someone around me is unhappy. I want all of my girlfriends to enjoy the party, but two or three of them won’t appreciate the humor of drinking from a phallus-shaped straw. Should I split the guest list and have one prudish party and one sexy one? – Good Girl/Bad Girl in the East

DEAR GIRL: That’s an excellent idea! And we all know which one you are going to enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been texting with his high school sweetheart for the last three years. He contacted her and shares all day-to-day activities, like our vacations, new dog, etc. She lives 2,500 miles away. She’s divorced, retired like us and has children and grandchildren. I snooped and read his email. I can tell by her responses that she is being polite.

I don’t understand why he contacted her after so many years and why he shares everything with her, as we have a close relationship and share everything. He did mention a year ago that he was in touch with her. I didn’t think much about it then, but now that I know how long this has been going on, I’m wondering why. Should I be concerned about this? – Puzzled in Maine

DEAR PUZZLED: What is happening could be innocent, or it could be crossing a line. You will never know until you discuss this with your husband. You may not have to disclose that you read the texts if you say you recalled him mentioning that they were in touch “a while back” and let the conversation evolve from there.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an Evite to a surrogate baby shower. I was happy to attend. Each guest was asked to bring a box of diapers, our favorite children’s book and a donation to help cover the surrogate expenses. A written explanation of how expensive the surrogate process is was also included.

In my opinion, when the couple started the surrogacy process, they were aware of how expensive it would be, and to ask the shower attendees to contribute to it is a little nervy. Was this proper etiquette? – Wondering in Nevada

DEAR WONDERING: No. Soliciting the donation was over the top. I can’t help but wonder how many invitees declined the invitation because of it. To ask for money was tacky.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.