City Council banned water bowls for dogs and now prohibit sandwich boards outside stores and restaurants because they too can cause pedestrian hazards. When will the city ban posted menus outside restaurants because folks who stop to read them may cause collisions? The city’s time would be better spent forgetting about new artwork or bicycle paths and focusing on infrastructure that gets worse each year. – Sign me as “Careful Walker”
Some business owners say the sign ban will have a chilling effect on commerce.
Thus, the removal of sandwich boards can be seen as cold cuts.
It’s baloney.
But wait ... here’s some supplemental irony for your diet.
Sandwich-board advertising signs are banned but not signs on boards advertising sandwiches.
Menu displays are the true culprit behind sidewalk gridlock, as hungry hordes ponder their next nosh.
Action Line got caught in one such lunch-jam a while back.
A brisk noon walk came to a standstill when a group of visitors stopped outside a downtown restaurant.
“Lookie here, y’all,” the leader of the pack said with a distinctive drawl. “Sez the Durango Chicken Sandwich is the lunch special.”
“Oh my!” an aghast member of the group exclaimed. “It’s $13.99!”
“That’s not very special,” her friend added.
Appalled but intrigued, the group then milled about the entrance, blocking the sidewalk even more.
They looked over the posted menu and laughed aloud at how outrageously expensive everything was.
You’d think they were looking at the windows of a Durango real estate office!
Come to think of it, maybe we ought to ban real estate windows. After all, they too cause sidewalk congestion.
And for that matter, we should prohibit all retail window displays – because their sole purpose is to cause people to stop and look.
Think of how many purchases tourists would make if they weren’t wasting so much time window shopping.
We need to declare downtown a No Mosey Zone.
Then give the downtown ambassadors well-charged electric cattle prods to keep crowds moving briskly.
How much more Western can you get than wranglers with cattle prods?
It would certainly deflect attention from the sticker shock of a $13.99 lunch special.
I always look at the grocery store inserts on Wednesdays. Last week, one of the circulars admonished us to “Stock Up For Lent!” I burst out laughing. Isn’t the point of Lent to give up? Granted, the ad was for fish and shrimp. But still. – Doubting Thomas
Normally, Action Line avoids church religiously.
But this Lent question lent itself to relentless relativism.
Can one stock up and give up simultaneously?
In the age of “alternative facts,” it just might be possible.
After all, when a company cuts back, you are informed: “In order to serve you better ...”
Long-known problems are blamed on “unforeseen circumstances.”
How many people have been wrongly dismissed by “right-sizing?”
So why is it surprising that a grocer, whose mission is to sell food, suggests buying vital vittles when you should eschew chewing?
It seems a bit fishy.
But if the sole purpose of sole is for the soul, then cast your nets wide.
On the other hand, if Lenten stockpiling doesn’t float your boat, then bail.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 80301. You can request anonymity if your spring has sprung a leak.
