Senior year is hard. For those of you out there convinced all we do is ditch class and not do homework, I’d like to dispel those misconceptions and tell you what we’ve really been through.
Sure senioritis is a thing, but there are a multitude of reasons for this feeling. One, we have made it through 13 years of school by this point, and that’s not easy. The fact that we made it this far should be applauded on a daily basis. Two, these are our last months here for most of us, surrounded by the same people we’ve known since diapers. Instead of spending these precious few months in school, it’s fair that we’d rather be tubing with our best friends who are moving halfway across the country or simply enjoying being outside in our beautiful mountains. Three, with the insanity of college applications, it’s difficult to focus on our actual class work that still piles up every day. If I’m expected to figure out my entire future in my spare time, I think I’ve earned the right to be slightly checked out in class. Four, in conjunction with these applications, we’re dealing with a lot of rejection and emotional trauma. This has been the biggest snag for me this year.
I’ve done everything right in high school. Not to toot my own horn, but I was told what colleges and scholarships looked for and I followed suit. I had four years of a varsity sport and even was a captain. I joined five clubs and held a leadership role in three. I maintained a high 4.0 and tested very well. I worked extremely hard to be this overachieving student because I thought – no, even expected – that if I did all this, I wouldn’t end up $100,000 or more in debt after college.
So, I, along with all my other equally high-achieving peers applied for countless scholarships; we spent our weekends writing essays awkwardly bragging about ourselves and late nights filling out form after form. This never-ending process starts as early as you can get on it and goes until at least April, only to start all over again the next year. During these months, which is actually your entire senior year, you constantly have scholarships to apply for.
Amid the rush, you start to get notifications back, with words like “The applicant pool was very competitive this year,” and “We regret to inform you.” It was incredibly discouraging to get these letters back after working so hard.
I know I started to think I wasn’t good enough, and I’ve heard similar thoughts from many of my peers. We’ve learned to base our self-worth off these scholarship and college acceptances, and I hate that I feel this way. Often, the only difference between you and someone given admittance or money is race, geographic location, even gender – not a single thing we can control. But, we feel inferior anyway, and that emotional toll is more than enough to break anyone’s motivation down.
I realize that my words have made senior year seem a little grim. This is not my intent. My intent is to recognize that I made it through and I’m still alive and happy.
To those of you yet to face senior year, there will be these moments of sorrow, but there will be much more joy. You will get into at least one college you want, if that’s what you want, and you’ll get a few scholarships here and there that remind you to keep trekking. You will also have incredible memories with incredible people in an incredible place.
When you’re old and wrinkly, you’ll remember these moments, these bits of joy. And at least you’ll have those, even if you are still paying off student loans.
Audrey Morris is head editor at El Diablo, the Durango High School student newspaper. Her parents are Karen and Alan Morris of Durango.
