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Discovery derails couple’s marriage

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for 10 years. We have been married for four. We love each other very much, but I did something that has caused him to no longer trust me, and he won’t forgive me. I went to a pub while my husband was at a class. I told him I was going to the pub and he was fine with it. We know everybody who works there very well.

The problem is, a nice man sat down a seat away from me and we started talking about all kinds of stuff. At the end of the evening, we exchanged phone numbers. He texted me a week later wanting to know if I could meet him for lunch. I said yes – big mistake – but we didn’t meet because I realized it would be wrong.

My husband saw his text on my phone, and he is upset and angry. He hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s been almost a week. He said he can no longer trust me, and he won’t accept my apologies or forgive me. What can I do? – Losing Love in California

DEAR LOSING: Although your intentions may have been innocent, for your husband to have found out about the planned lunch the way he did couldn’t have been worse. Had you told him you met someone “nice” and had been invited to lunch, it might not have made him angry. I don’t blame him for feeling he may not be able to trust you.

Remind him that you did not go to that lunch. Tell him you love him and ask what you need to do to earn back that trust. Ask if he would go to counseling with you. However, if you are unable to do that, accept that your marriage is toast. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: My sister “Claudia” recently asked me on a Saturday to take her to the eye doctor the next Tuesday. Well, I forgot. She didn’t call me the night before (like normal people do) to remind me, nor did she call me the next day to confirm. She did call our cousin to take her. (She should have called me that day instead of calling our cousin.)

Now Claudia is mad at me. I think it was both our faults – mine because I forgot. (There is a lot going on here. My mother-in-law, who has dementia, lives here and it has grown worse.) It was also Claudia’s fault for not calling me.

She told me it was an important follow-up appointment and she was really upset. Is she being childish? By the way, Claudia is 13 years older than I am and has always been jealous of me. Please give me your opinion. – Just Plain Forgot in Ohio

DEAR FORGOT: Oh, my goodness. You are human and you forgot! I don’t think it was a hanging offense. However, Claudia managed to come up with a Plan B and the cousin saved the day. See how resourceful she can be in a pinch?

In the future, when your hands are full – and from what you have described about your mother-in-law, it is safe to assume they will be – when Sissy asks you to take her to a medical appointment, perhaps Plan B should become Plan A.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.