A couple in Silver Springs, Maryland, is being investigated by the local Child Protective Services for possibly failing to provide proper care and supervision of their 10-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter. It is a testament to how much we have institutionalized fear.
This is not a case where dad is in prison and mom is on crack. Nor is it one of those horror stories where the kids have been living in filth and eating dog food.
Alexander and Danielle Meitiv are being investigated for neglect after letting their kids walk home from a suburban park. It was a 1-mile trek on a Saturday afternoon, but someone saw the children without an adult and called the cops. The police brought the kids home and involved Child Protective Services.
Normally the two children carry laminated cards that include contact information for the parents and read, “I am not lost. I am a free-range kid.” The latter refers to a movement that stands in contrast to the behavior of overly protective “helicopter parents.”
Another way to put it might be to call it traditional parenting. A 10-year-old being a mile from home in a safe neighborhood hardly would have been remarkable a generation or two ago. Nor would the idea of a 6-year-old being watched over by a brother four years older.
Besides, the Meitivs sound like reasonable and thoughtful parents. They are articulate professionals who clearly have given their responsibilities a lot of thought.
As Danielle Meitiv told The Washington Post, “Parenthood is an exercise in risk management. Every day, we decide: Are we going to let our kids play football? Are we going to let them do a sleepover? Are we going to let them climb a tree? We’re not saying parents should abandon all caution. We’re saying parents should pay attention to risks that are dangerous and likely to happen.”
That is excellent advice. She went on to explain that “Abductions are extremely rare. Car accidents are not. The No. 1 cause of death for children their age is a car accident.”
She is, of course, right. For all the talk of “stranger danger,” actual kidnappings are extraordinarily uncommon. Few children ever are abducted, and almost all who are were taken by parents in custodial disputes.
Cars, on the other hand, kill lots of people – kids included. But traveling by car is an everyday event, and we find it easy to overlook the threat.
More to the point, the Meitivs seem to understand that parenting is not only about protecting children in the present. It also is about preparing them to handle things in the future. Of necessity, that involves an ongoing process of letting go.
Were the Meitivs a little too loose in letting their kids walk home? It hardly sounds like it. There certainly was no need for the authorities to weigh in.
And not knowing their neighborhood, it is hard to say exactly how “free range” they were to begin with. As parents in a small town or a protective neighborhood understand, young kids never are that far off the leash. At any given moment, the car passing by is probably driven by dad’s co-worker or mom’s friend from church.
Whether it “takes a village” to raise a child has been fraught with political baggage, but in any true community you get one nonetheless. And even in the most loving village, there is room to let kids skin their knees from time to time.
