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Friendship is still appreciated

DEAR ABBY: As a lonely, mixed-up teenager in the 1980s, I developed a huge crush on a disc jockey at a local radio station. I would call him at least once a night when he was on the air, and he was kind enough to take my calls and speak with me about whatever I wanted to babble about as long as he was able.

My parents hired him to DJ my Sweet Sixteen party and, even though fewer than a dozen kids showed up, he was professional and gracious throughout the whole ordeal. The highlight of the party was when he danced with me after he started playing “16 Candles.” I followed him to radio station events and was basically a general pest. He was nothing but kind, understanding and patient.

Now in my mid-50s, I realize I had some undiagnosed mental and social issues throughout my childhood that weren’t discussed and dealt with at the time, and I regret much of my behavior back then. The DJ is still involved in radio. He has since married and had children and, while I admit I was a tad jealous when I heard about it, I have grown to be happy for him and his family. He still holds a special place in my heart for being so kind and patient with me at such a weird time in my life.

I never had boyfriends in high school or college. I married the first guy who took a serious interest in me, but he left after seven years and two kids. I decided I wanted to reach out to the DJ with a letter, thanking him for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to, for putting up with me for so long and for understanding me even when I didn’t understand myself.

I am not looking to interfere in his happy life, but I don’t want to wait until his funeral to let him know how grateful I am and how much he meant to me. Should I write and send the letter? – DJ Saved My Life

DEAR SAVED: That the disc jockey made such a profound difference in your life when you desperately needed support is wonderful. I think it would please him to receive an expression of gratitude from you all these many years later. By all means, send the letter.

DEAR ABBY: For the last three years, my neighbor has been having an affair. Her husband, although a little slow, is fundamentally a nice guy, and I feel he should be told. I probably would do it, but the two of them own some land and they let people hunt for fun (not for meat) on their property, which makes me disrespect them both.

Should I act on my knowledge? Or should I let two people with no respect for the animal kingdom wallow in their own putrescence? – Potential Whistleblower

DEAR WHISTLEBLOWER: You are comparing apples to oranges. If you feel you must tell the husband about his wife’s infidelity because it morally offends you, I suppose you are free to do that. But to ruin someone’s marriage because you don’t approve of the fact they allow hunting on their property seems very much over the top.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.