DEAR ABBY: My husband and I love our 7- and 2-year-old grandchildren very much and enjoy spending time with them. The issue is, we feel we are being taken advantage of. Our daughter and her husband are still married but lead separate lives. He works out of town and comes home most weekends. Her weekends usually begin on Friday when she “has to” have someone keep the kids until he gets home (if he comes home). She returns on Sunday night when he leaves for work.
Our daughter expects us to pick up the grandkids from school and/or the babysitter on Friday and keep them every weekend. She doesn’t ask; it’s assumed we will do it. If we say we can’t, or make other plans, all hell breaks loose. It’s the end of the world because she has to change her plans. We have tried talking calmly with her about it, but then she threatens to not let us see the children at all. We’re exhausted and don’t know what to do. – Vexed in Virginia
DEAR VEXED: Tell your entitled daughter firmly that she will have to make other arrangements for the children on two weekends a month because you and your husband are exhausted and need time to yourselves. Remind her that when she started a family, the children became her (not your) primary responsibility. You have generously given her free babysitting services for many years. Those services are expensive, as she will learn when she starts pricing them out. I seriously doubt she will react by depriving you of seeing them. It would be cutting off her nose to spite her face.
DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic squamous cell carcinoma that had originated in his lungs and spread throughout his body. He died last month after a brutal battle with this horrifying disease. He was a former smoker and had worked in a factory that exposed him to various chemicals. During his struggle, we learned that getting a CT scan of his lungs every year would have detected his deadly cancer. His doctor never advised him to have this simple scan that could have identified it early in its development and possibly saved his life. Unfortunately, neither he nor I knew the importance of asking for the test.
A CT is a straightforward, low-cost scan generally covered by most insurers when it has been 15 years or less since quitting smoking or when other exposures are present. Please share this message with your readers and encourage those with risk factors to request this essential procedure. It could make the difference between early detection and treatment or a life-and-death struggle with this lethal disease. – Sorrowful in Indiana
DEAR SORROWFUL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband to lung cancer, and I know how silently aggressive it can be. (He, too, was diagnosed at stage 4, although he had not been exposed to the risk factors your husband was.) I am grateful that you wrote about how important a diagnostic tool a CT scan can be. Readers, please think about her important message and have a conversation about it with your doctor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
