Feelings of mad, sad, happy and scared are common to every human being, past and present. My job as a therapist is not to make your child “happy.” It is to support them to explore and integrate all the parts of their experience.
I, nor you, can save our children from struggles, disappointments or stress. Instead, we can be with them in it, allowing and modeling how to show up to big feelings. If you personally struggle showing up to your own full range of feelings, seek help.
Parents, teachers, friends and mentors I beg you to reflect on where you can be more regulated and authentic with your feelings. Let our youth know that we all have bad days and months. Let our youth know that everyone is afraid of something and sometimes we get mad and that is OK. Let our youth know that sometimes really sad stuff happens and taking the time to feel sad is what is appropriate.
Laugh about how you messed up dinner or forgot a helmet at the ski mountain. Be authentic in your shortcomings and struggles so our kids can do the same.
Perhaps if we, as the adults in our community, made more time to listen and allow (instead of punish and lecture), our children would feel less alone and have the capacity to tolerate their experience and stop hiding their true feelings.
I strongly believe we help our youth by first helping ourselves.
Tara Jackson, LPC
Durango
