My father came home from the war and I was born nine months later. It’s big, as it seems everything we do is big – the baby boomer generation has been pivotal in shaping cultural trends, from music and fashion and protests in the 1960s to the rise of consumerism in the 1980s. We were notably the first generation to grow up with television as a dominant medium.
It’s hard to believe, but actually sometimes I can feel my many years. During a retreat in March, I went through each decade to try to make some sense of it all. Some were very tumultuous, others calmer. My 60s and 70s have been the most rewarding, solid, joyful and peaceful.
There has been a lot of press recently about turning 80, as the president of the United States will be joining the ranks. It seems to all be so negative – sleepiness, crazy ideas, difficult body changes, illnesses. I’m wondering if this is all just political, or is turning 80 really so worrisome?
I feel like the meaning of life is so much deeper now, in relationships, in how we spend our time, in our pondering, etc. This can be what really matters. We’ve been around for a while and have lived through lots of challenges, sadness, joys and disappointments. We are seasoned, have we attained any wisdom?
What is wisdom, though? Markers of wisdom include patience, equanimity, foresight, compassion and an ability to be with uncertainty. It comes from experience, the result of many years of testing our beliefs against reality. The different paths we take through our lives shift our goals and values to shape us. At some point, we (hopefully, most of us anyway) achieve some wisdom.
Things seem to turn out, even though we don’t always think so in the moment. We have better coping mechanisms and can deal better with hardships. Our experience puts things into perspective and we can discern what is really important.
One 80-year-old friend says she is very involved in interesting things, but doesn’t always have the energy to do them. Yes, for sure. Another tells me she is doing more what she wants to do, rather than what she needs to do. She is not afraid of failure; she’s already done her life. We are more comfortable with ourselves and don’t take ourselves so seriously.
Many of us want less. Life seems easier the simpler it is. There is a certain letting go – of criticism, judgment, being right, telling people what to do. More empathy. I sometimes feel we’re all in this aging thing together and doing the best we can. Compassion, sensitivity, tolerance.
There is more gratitude for me. Not everyone grows old, and most of us are blessed with fairly good lives, people who love us and unlimited surrounding beauty.
Time is a paradox. It’s more limited for us, and yet we have more of it to spend with friends and family, if we have the vitality. This next decade hopefully helps us realize that this is our life right now. We are in it! Plans for later don’t always happen. And, some preparation for death is always in the cards. Each day becomes precious, and here is gratitude again.
So do we celebrate, or hide away? I say celebrate whatever and wherever we can.
29,200 days and counting ...
Martha McClellan has lived in Durango since 1993 and has been an educator, consultant and writer. Reach her at mmm@bresnan.net.
