The candy’s been eaten; the flowers have wilted; the dinner candles have been blown out. Valentine’s Day is over, and we can put love back in its compartment until next year. Or can we?
Each Sunday when entering church, I pass a yard sign which says: “Love your neighbor as yourself. No exceptions.” And every Sunday I think to myself, “There is no way I can ever love the neighbor who has no cars but lots of junk in his two-car garage, whose three-car driveway is occupied by a huge RV, a boat and a muscle car, whose other three to five vehicles occupy curb space, whose vicious dog killed a neighborhood cat, and whose supposedly grown-up children have evidently not grown up.”
My “loveless” situation was not clarified by a yard sign next door proclaiming, “Love is Love!” reaching an all-new low for meaningless language.
I turned to an etymological dictionary for an answer. The word love comes from the Old English word lufu and carries a variety of meanings including “feeling of love; romantic sexual attraction; affection; friendliness; the love of God; abstraction or personification.” The only one I could even begin to apply to my neighbor is the “love of God,” but I am not really sure what that requires.
Finally, I looked to the original Biblical text and found that the word translated as “love” is the Greek word agape. Tracing the origins and meanings of this word can lead one into a labyrinth of definitions, the parsing of which lands you in the junkyard of literalism. Although agape is often translated as charity, I found that it did not help in my quest to find an appropriate attitude to adopt toward my miscreant neighbor. Agape is best thought of as unconditional love.
I tried to apply other sentiments I might feel toward my neighbor: pity (too obviously not applicable and also dehumanizing), hate (too self-destructive) and contempt (too self-righteous).
So where did that leave me?
I finally came to rest on the word respect. If you, like me, find difficulty in loving your neighbor as yourself, the least you and I can do is offer respect. I realize that respect is not in vogue with the current “leadership” whose prime purpose seems to be degrade, demean and dismiss other humans.
Perhaps I, and others who are struggling to love a neighbor, might start with the old English dictum “Live and let live.” No longer would we have to abhor the opinions and actions of others and righteously defend our own opinions. That sounds easy enough.
The Wokes could stop yelling at the MAGAs; the MAGAs could stop yelling at the Wokes. The Catholics could stop yelling at the Protestants and the Protestants could sit happily on their righteous thrones without trying to rule the world. Men would stop yelling and women; and women would stop yelling at men.
Respect. Live and let live. Sounds easy enough. Let’s give it a try!
A former instructor at Fort Lewis College and Pueblo Community College, Katherine A. Burgess holds a PhD in the Humanities from the University of Texas at Dallas with concentrations in ethics, aesthetics and ancient Greek philosophy.
Editor’s Note: Katherine submitted this column on Feb. 26, five days before her death to cancer on Mar. 4. Katherine led an illustrious life (read her obituary at https://bit.ly/4bPOMYs) and was a regular contributor to the Herald. Due to a backlog of contributions, we have been unable to run it until now. A memorial service followed by a reception will be held at 11 a.m. Saturday, March 29, 2025, at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Durango, 419 San Juan Drive.
