DEAR ABBY: I have been in two relationships. The first was with a girl a couple of years older than I am. We were together for several years before she was unfaithful and dumped me. I was crushed. The second girl was a few years younger, and she did the same thing after we were together a year.
What am I doing wrong? Fidelity is important to me, and they both knew it from the start. How do I avoid this?
I have never been a controlling person. I was always fine with my girlfriends going out with friends if I couldn’t go for some reason. That’s how they met the other guys.
The people in lasting relationships I’ve seen watch each other like hawks, and never allow their significant other to be in the company of the opposite sex without them. Is this normal? Should I be like them? That seems controlling, but clearly, my “no boundaries” relationship style has backfired on me. – Cheated On in New York City
DEAR CHEATED ON: Few things can ruin a relationship or a marriage like obsessive jealousy can. Watching one’s partner “like a hawk” is stifling. It will eventually drive the person away, as you will see as you continue to observe the couples you have mentioned. Please don’t try to change the person you are because you are just fine.
I believe that in relationships there has to be a certain amount of responsibility. If someone is mature enough to be involved romantically, that person should be willing to admit if things aren’t working out. Being cheated on is painful, and being dumped is equally so. Not every relationship leads to marriage, but rather than sneak around to avoid a frank conversation, it’s better to practice the Golden Rule.
DEAR ABBY: I am in a predicament. My therapist is great, but sometimes I think she shares too much. Last time I went, she was running late. When I finally got into her office, she told me the previous patient was nonverbal and had painted her nails during the session. Later in the session, she confided that years ago she had been date raped.
Abby, I am 24 and sought counseling because my father raped me when I was 15. Her sharing worries me because I don’t want her to tell others about what I say or do during counseling sessions. Furthermore, her story of the date rape scared me. She described a situation that is not uncommon for me to be in, and it triggered a flashback in me. What she did was insensitive, to put it lightly.
I have nobody else to ask, so what should I do? I’m getting counseling for free due to my income, and it took months to get a counselor. Should I report her or accept that this was a mistake and say nothing? If I need to report her, how should I do that? – Conflicted About It
DEAR CONFLICTED: You should change therapists. As to what agency you should report her breach of professional ethics to, contact the state organization that licensed her to practice.
www.DearAbby.com
