Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and while you can argue that it’s a holiday created for the greeting card, chocolate and flower industries, now might be a good time to reflect on what keeps couples together for the long haul.
And with divorce rate pushing 50 percent, couples who have spent a lifetime together say that to make the partnership work humor and commitment are the keys to success.
Married 50 years
Jean and Tom Campion, both 69 and residents of the Marvel area, have been together for 50 years.
“It’s one of those teenage marriages that wouldn’t last,” they both said, laughing.
The two met in an American government class when they were seniors in high school in Longmont.
“We’d seen each other around, but we really didn’t know each other before that,” Jean said. “We were put next to each other in a class with a seating arrangement the teacher had.
“We didn’t learn much about American government, but we got to know each other,” she said.
“I think we learned something about American government,” Tom said.
“We passed the class anyway,” Jean said.
The couple dated for a couple of years before tying the knot Dec. 30, 1965.
The couple were married at the Hygiene Methodist Church in Hygiene when they were both 19.
They moved to Durango in 1974 when Tom got a job teaching auto mechanics at Durango High School.
They adopted two children and later Jean gave birth to a third.
“After we had the kids for a while, we made an agreement that whoever wanted a divorce had to take the kids,” Tom said jokingly. ”And so we stayed together.”
To the Campions, the secret to their long marriage boils down to honoring the commitment they made when they were married and maintaining a sense of humor.
“Well, besides the agreement about the kids, I would say, we took the marriage vows seriously,” Jean said. “When we agreed to stay married through thick or thin, we meant it, and so we did.”
Giving each other space is also important when growing together as a couple and as individuals.
“I was thinking about a book, The Prophet, by (Kahlil) Gibran,” Tom said, “There’s a quote in there about marriage: Stand together, but not too close, because the oak tree and the cypress don’t grow in each other’s shadow.
“You’ve got to give each other room,” he said.
“We have different things we do without each other, and we have things we do together,” Jean said. “We don’t have to do everything together.”
Jean also has a theory about the symbolic importance of the wedding cake:
“Back when we got married, you cut the wedding cake, and very gently fed each other a piece, and that was symbolic how you were going to take care of each other,” she said. “And now, they just shove it in their faces, and smear their hair in it, and that’s kind of symbolic of how they treat their marriages, they don’t take it as seriously as we did.”
Married 63 years
Pat and Lila Greer, both 83 and from the Redmesa area, have been married for what will be 63 years – “A good 63,” Lila said – on Monday.
The couple met when they were in an agriculture class at Durango High School and dated on and off for almost two years.
Pat said he proposed several times and “she said no several times,” he said.
“I had to finish high school,” Lila said. “That was the thing.”
They were both 19 when they got married at the Marvel Methodist Church on Feb. 1, 1953. From there, they began raising a family – two boys and two girls.
“I worked for the highway department for 33 years, and she raised kids for 33 years,” Pat said.
“He had a lot to do with it,” Lila added.
So what’s their secret?
“I really think it’s like Tom said: We didn’t just hang on to each other all the time,” Pat said. “Each of us had our own agenda, but mainly, she could pick my clothes for me ...”
“And I did a good job” Lila said.
And the most important piece of advice?
“Both of you not get mad at the same time,” Lila said, and to that Pat added:
“I think commitment is the biggest thing,” he said. “When you took those vows, you took them seriously.”
“We were together,” Lila said. “We didn’t do things that surprised the other one. We talked it over.”
And, as with the Campions, maintaining a sense of humor doesn’t hurt, either.
“Humor is one of the biggest things,” Pat said. “You have to be able to laugh at yourself.”
And when it all comes down to it, both couples agreed that when they took their vows on their wedding days, they meant every word they said.
“We made commitments to our spouses, and that’s what we did,” Tom said. “When there’s a problem, you figure out what the problem is and you go on from there, whether it’s kids or finances or whatever.”
katie@durangoherald.com
