Death is inevitable, but it is a taboo subject that is often avoided when talking with loved ones.
A group of about two dozen people confronted the topic Thursday evening at the Durango Public Library during “Talking about Dying,” a community event intended to foster discussion about death and dying.
“This is a new program we started through Mercy,” said Anne Rossignol, director of palliative care at Mercy Regional Medical Center. “It is something that we do not do well in our culture and society. It is important to talk about death and explore your own thoughts and feelings. We act like if we don’t talk about it, it won’t happen.”
The facilitated discussion was co-sponsored by the Hospice of Mercy and several other community organizations, including Four Corners Health Care, Fort Lewis College, Cottonwood Inn Rehab and the Community Health Action Coalition.
Attendees participated in a circle discussion before splitting into smaller groups to share their experiences.
They were asked to consider their own death and recount experiences surrounding the death of family and friends.
“Both my mom and my dad have passed, and when I think about their experience, it was interesting in that they never wanted to talk about dying,” said Michelle Appenzeller, senior clinical manager for Hospice of Mercy. “There is a myth that in hospice you always talk about dying. It is hard to lose someone. I can’t imagine losing a spouse.”
Cathy Roberts said her father was able to cope with his impending death by being in control of the situation.
“He received a cancer diagnosis and made the decision to not receive treatment,” she said. “He took care of everything himself, including planning his burial at sea, and it worked for him because he felt very in control. My oldest brother was very angry at him for not pursuing treatment. He felt like he was giving up.”
While some attendees said they were not afraid to die, others felt like they had more to experience in life and struggled to come to terms with dying.
“I think a sense of purpose is really important in life,” Appenzeller said. “You start to negotiate with yourself about dying.”
Roberts said she initially imagined herself dying at a very old age, but she has since re-imagined the scenario.
“I don’t want to see my brothers and sisters die,” she said. “As I envision it, I think dying in my early 80s would be better than 100. I do the math to figure out what my brother’s and sister’s ages would be then.”
The discussion concluded with a poetry reading of “When Death Comes” by Mary Oliver.
“Every time we have these discussions, I learn something new,” Rossignol said. “Everyone is different and thinks differently about the subject.”
mrupani@durangoherald.com
