When I was a high jumper in junior high, high school and college, the winners’ podium had a spot for first-, second- and third-place finishers. Now I read of athletes in several sports placing fifth, seventh and ninth as having “podium finishes.” Are they building bigger podiums or what? – Larry E. Whiteside
From the first second that you asked this third-rate member of the Fourth Estate about fifth-place “podiums,” Action Line’s sixth sense kicked in, signaling seventh heaven could be found at the Eighth Avenue Tavern or under the Ninth Street Bridge, but advice from the 10th Mountain Division rang true: Don’t wait until the 11th hour because soon it could be the Twelfth of Never, and you’ll ruin your column for Monday the 13th.
In all honesty, Action Line didn’t come up with that heinous progression. It was inspired by (which is a fancy way of saying plagiarized from) the 1993 winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
The contest challenges writers “to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.”
Its namesake, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, was a Victorian-era novelist who began a book with the immortal cliché, “It was a dark and stormy night.”
Since it’s neither dark nor stormy, we’ll move on to athletics.
For most sports, a “podium finish” is indeed gold, silver or bronze.
Could fifth, seventh or ninth as “podium finishes” be a result of the Participant Ribbon Era, where everyone who merely shows up gets a prize?
We called Durango Herald Sports Editor John Livingston and put the ball in his court.
The definition of “podium finishes” has evolved, especially in track and field, he said.
“A lot of times, particularly at state meets, awards go down to ninth place,” he said. “You also see that in the NCAA.”
In many cases, finishers from ninth place and up have won points for their all-important team score, John said.
“Because they are contributing to team scores, it’s now considered a podium finish.”
On the city parking permit application, it says the plastic thingy must be displayed on the rearview mirror. Then there’s this gem: “Permitted vehicles may be tracked by license plate if and when the city acquires a license plate recognition system.” Why do we have to give our license number if we already have a valid permit? And when will the creepy plate peepers start sneaking around? – Privacy Advocate
Action Line has some breaking news: the “plate peepers” are already prowling for perpetrators of permit-less parking.
That comes from our good friend Amber Blake, the city’s director of transportation and sustainability.
Not in those terms, mind you. But you get the point.
And let’s be fair. There’s nothing nefarious about verifying plates with technology.
Consider the alternative. With hanging plastic permits, a municipal employee has to check out your car and peer inside the front windshield every couple of hours.
That’s kinda creepy.
Anyway, there’s a city vehicle with a small camera loaded with plate-recognition software. The car drives through parking lots throughout the day.
It’s a new system, and some bugs are getting worked out. For instance, the camera is having a hard time with out-of-state plates and vanity plates, Amber said.
But don’t think you can pull a fast one if your plates are red and yellow or say “IDOYOGA” or “HIL4PREZ.”
The city is tag-teaming it, using the plate-recognition camera as well as foot patrols and manual verification.
The scofflaws get a citation. Meanwhile, “we certainly don’t want to give tickets to people who have valid permits,” Amber said.
And if you want to see sneaking, just go to the Town Plaza lot any morning and surreptitiously observe all the “customers” slink into a parking space and then head to their office on Main Avenue.
But that would make you a creepy peeper.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if your cellphone’s privacy app features GPS tracking.
