How do I go about getting a parking permit like this guy has? I assume it conveys other special privileges that us ordinary folks aren’t entitled to? – Mark D’Lanes
You’d expect this kind of parking job from a vintage Rolls-Royce, a new Lamborghini or even a tricked-out 1976 Dodge Dart with fuzzy dice.
But a run-of-the-mill Subaru? Seriously?
This Outback has gotta be from out of town.
Everyone knows that any Durango Subaru will have a Bread decal flanked by a variety of stickers promoting yoga, dogs, left-leaning politics and/or overpriced brands of skis, bikes, climbing gear and outdoor clothing.
In any case, Action Line blurred the license plate. There’s no need to engage in Subaru shaming.
Let’s just say this parking job crossed the line.
Because this porcine parking practice occurred in a private lot (it’s Town Plaza, see the shopping cart to the left?), there’s nothing the city can do.
However, should this happen on a public street, “that would be a $25 ticket on the spot,” said a downtown parking enforcement officer when asked about this instance of insolence.
Maybe the space-straddler wanted to avoid door dings.
But if you don’t want the deleterious dents from dolts, it’s more effective to seek the most remote spot in the parking lot.
That’s what Mrs. Action Line does. She parks far from the madding crowd and enjoys the walk.
Even after taking such evasive maneuvers, a clueless ne’er-do-well in a crummy car did what ne’er-do-wells in crummy cars do.
He or she flung open the door and made a bad first impression.
Mrs. Action Line was not pleased.
What are you going to do, anyway?
In many big cities, parking hogs get “keyed” for such offenses.
Thankfully, Durangoans rely on karma to avenge parking peccadilloes.
And speaking of which, there’s a website called CarKarma.com where you can enter your license plate and get a numerology reading.
“Our license plate numbers have an ‘Inner Nature’ which may influence the way you drive,” claims the site.
So Action Line entered the Subaru’s now-blurred plate number.
“This is a lucky license plate to have if you tend to daydream or talk a lot on your cell phone while driving,” the website claimed.
“Beware. Your license plate number also has an aloof nature to it,” it warned.
“It can cause you to not pay as much attention when having to get your license sticker renewed on time (or) ensuring your oil changes are done on a regular basis.”
The dogma from CarKarma: Pay Attention.
Here’s the ironic thing: “Paying” attention doesn’t cost anything.
Yet every time you pay for something, there’s a sales tax. That’s the law.
Therefore, to raise desperately needed revenue, La Plata County could charge a tariff on paying attention.
But because no one pays attention these days, the tax wouldn’t generate any money.
So let’s park that idea.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you’ve lost the ability to parallel park since moving to Durango.
