Bullying isn't normal kid behavior, and being bullied isn't a normal rite of passage, Bayfield Elementary/ Primary School counselors Jackie Juliana (grades K-2) and Rob Stafford (grades 3-5) told parents Monday night at Bayfield High School. It was a break-out session during the district's School Safety Night for the community.
Juliana described bullying as a repeated and chronic pattern of intentional hurtful behavior, generally with some power differential between the bully and victim. It can be physical, verbal including threat of harm, social such as spreading nasty rumors, or cyber-bullying.
Along with the bully and victim, there are bystanders, Juliana said. The goal is to get them to intervene in some way to stop the bullying.
Bayfield Middle School counselor Dave Kelley added, "We try to teach our kids to do the right thing," including situations where they need to seek help immediately.
Juliana said she works with kids starting in kindergarten on things like interpersonal skills and the difference between tattling and telling. Tattling aims to get another child in trouble, while telling is to get help for another child, she said.
Interpersonal skills include things like cooperation, sharing, being a good listener, how to be a friend, alternatives to hitting, the difference between big and small problems, self-talk, calming down strong emotions, and managing frustration and worry. They also learn about problem solving and personal safety, and things related to character development.
The first and second graders get more in-depth presentations of the some things, Juliana said.
"Bullying isn't funny. It's not a joke. It's not normal or a rite of passage," she said. "It's not the same as peer conflict. We aren't dismissing peer conflict, but it's different."
Stafford listed signs of a child being bullied: unexplained injuries, damaged or lost possessions, the child doesn't want to go to school or has no appetite. Risk factors include poor social skills and social isolation.
Risk factors for kids becoming bullies include lack of parental supervision or involvement, harsh discipline at home, lack of warm acceptance by parents or family, and an impulsive aggressive temperament.
Lack of self-esteem is a risk factor for both bullies and victims.
Juliana listed protective factors of supportive parents who use moderate discipline, healthy self-esteem, a supportive, steady circle of friends, and a positive school climate. Stafford said a positive school climate greatly reduces bullying.
Juliana urged parents to be involved in their kids' lives at home and at school, monitor and supervise them, teach and reward them for productive social skills and problem solving. She urged parents to encourage their kids to find a home within their school, a club or activity where they can belong.
Kelley said there are more issues as kids use social media at ever-younger ages. "We see more of that every year, social media being a negative factor on kids." BMS has various activities and techniques, including mindfulness practice and goal setting, to promote positive behavior and better focus. They have the Shine On Shaniah award for a student who shows empathy, effort, and integrity. It's named after student Shaniah Farmer, who died in a car crash several years ago.
He said BMS has support classes for kids who are struggling academically. "When they're struggling with academics, they act out with behavior."
