Jimi and Marita Harman lost their son to suicide two years ago. But to them, it feels like yesterday.
On Saturday, the Harmans and their daughter Kimberly Noble attended the International Suicide Survivors Day at Fort Lewis College. The event, sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Heartbeat, a group that offers support for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, brought more than 20 people together to view a webcast of experts, therapists and survivors from across the globe that simultaneously broadcast all over the world.
Colorado has the eighth-highest suicide rate in the nation, said Jarrod Hindman, Suicide Prevention Unit manager with the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment. La Plata County has nearly three times the national average.
“It’s an epidemic,” said Kim Johancen-Walt, a local therapist and event organizer. “The numbers are alarming.”
Walt said she hopes the gathering will show people who are in grief that they are not alone.
When Walt was 16, she lost her older brother to suicide. In practice 14 years, she said working with others helps her own healing.
“I’ve done work on all sides of the issue,” she said at the auditorium. “I hope there are people who can walk in that door fresh in their grief who can identify other people farther along on that path, so they know that they can get there.”
She described survivors being confused, lost in a “Canyon of Why,” a concept developed by Colorado Springs grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt.
She said sharing experiences helps survivors find solace.
“Our grief can be so complicated, and we try to get out of the ‘why’ and put back together the pieces of the puzzle,” she said. “Being able to help has been able to get me out of my canyon. I can take that experience as a survivor, and I can do something with that pain.”
Groups such as Heartbeat were formed to give survivors a place to share their confusion and learn to handle the loss that comes riddled with questions.
Local Heartbeat organizer Pat Roberts described the aftermath of suicide a battlefield. She said bringing people together offers comfort.
“Suicide just leaves behind a debris field of hurt and wounded family and friends,” she said.
Prevention programs also are available, offering resources to families who may not be able to find it on their own. The Second Wind Fund can provide up to 20 therapy sessions to at-risk youths 19 and younger. Program coordinator Leslie Smith called it crucial support for people who don’t have access to mental-health services.
Smith lost her younger brother to suicide three years ago and said it was devastating to her, her family and her community.
“I still find myself asking what I could have done to change it – to still just have him around,” she said in the hallway as tears began to well.
She also still deals with her loss.
“Maybe that will go away, and maybe not. Who knows?” Smith said. “But that’s why this is important to me. Here, there is a common thread, and we can support each other.”
Amie Bryant, a counselor with Fort Lewis College counseling services also in private practice in Durango, said the gathering was important for coping and vital for healing. She said suicide is higher in rural areas because help is harder to find.
“Lots of isolation, that ‘frontier-man attitude,’” she said. “It comes back to the ability to connect, and in that connecting there is healing.”
Janna Schaefer, with the Tragedy Assistance Program for the military, also supports Heartbeat, and said some people consider suicide selfish, but that is incorrect.
“They’re in so much pain,” she said. “There’s something in that person’s mind that suicide would make it better for other people.”
The overwhelming message was clear: Sharing experiences can help, in prevention and in grief.
“We knew he was unhappy,” Jimi Harmon said about his son. “But we never knew he had such depression and pain.”
Marita Harmon wears a token around her neck, a heart made with ashes from her son’s cremation.
“The blue is his color,” she said. “The silver is his ashes, and the clear is the void in my heart. This is what I got. It’s all we have, but his spirit and his energy – we have that.”
bmathis@durangoherald.com
Suicide-prevention resources
National Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255.
Axis Health Crisis Hotline: In La Plata and Archuleta counties, call 247-5245. In Montezuma County, call 385-2255.
Second Wind Fund: Provides free therapy for at-risk youths. Call 946-9586 or visit www.thesecondwindfund.org.
Southern Ute Community Actions Program: Has an online suicide-prevention resource with phone numbers of trained personnel who can recognize signs and intervene in times of crisis. Visit www.sucap.org.
Heartbeat: For more information, call 403-4103 or 749-1673.
