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Snowdown pickup lines remain first line of contraception

Annual contest lowers bar for enticing a mate
Snowdown 2023 Pickup Line contest at The Roost on Thursday night. (Courtesy of Dusty Grannis)

More than a few – most in fact – of the lines delivered at the Pickup Line contest at The Roost on Thursday night left the ghost of Shakespeare red-faced – if not slightly inspired by how is name could be bawdily inserted into prose meant to seduce.

Thirty-eight salty-mouthed contestants squared off to deliver their best and worst before an overflow crowd and five judges purported to have prepared by lurking in local bars at closing time over the last week.

“Come on up and sign up,” encouraged host Dusty Grannis before the contest. “It doesn’t have to be good, and in fact sometimes the worst ones win. It can be kid-friendly. But don’t use it on a kid. That would be wrong.”

The first dozen or so pickup lines delivered failed the family-friendly guidelines set forth’eth in this Ye Town Crier of public record.

“This is how we used to Tinder,” Grannis quipped. “This is Shakespearean Tinder.”

Contestant No. 18 slipped past the sensors with – “Hey boy, is that a spicy tuna in your pocket or are you happy sashimi?”

“I oughta’ complain to Spotify for not naming you the hottest single of the week,” got through.

“This is the last event of the bar Olympics every night,” Grannis said. “At 2 o’clock in the morning it doesn’t matter what the line. Most of the time all you have to do is drool. Come on – woo us!”

And so – without further ado – the winners.

In first place, Tommy with – “Doubt thou the stars are fire? Doubt that the sun doth shine? Doubt truth to be a liar? But never doubt love.”

In second place, the wolf woman (earmuffs kids) – “Wanna come back to my place? My couch pulls out but I don’t.”

And third place, Eddie (keep the earmuffs on kids) – “My nutritionist says you are what you eat ... tonight I want to be a beautiful woman.”

Snowdown 2023 Pickup Line contest winners from right to left: Tommy first place; Eddie third place; the wolf woman second place; and unidentified mystery man wolf woman’s line seduced. (Courtesy of Dusty Grannis)

First place won two hot spring tickets; second place, a haircut at Alley Cuts; and third place, Ska pints and a Serious Texas shirt. The consolation prize for all other contestant was whomever was still slinging pickup lines at closing time.