On March 1, Community Connections and the local disabled community participated in Disability Community Day of Mourning, honoring the memory of disabled victims of filicide. In the past five years, more than 700 disabled people were murdered by their family members or primary care providers.
These murders do not just happen. These murders are but one manifestation of the systematic devaluing and dehumanization of disabled people. When the only stories of disabled lives told are ones of burden and tragedy, of pain and suffering, stories that tell a narrative that the world would be better without us, we normalize these acts.
Disabled people are bombarded with these messages that our lives are tragic and our existence burdens. We encounter these messages every single day. In death, many of these victims had their murders used to perpetuate these messages. Media reporting of the murders detail their support needs extensively and their humanity not at all. Reports paint their murders as understandable, give empathy instead to their murderer and some stories paint their murder as “merciful.”
My message to disabled people: You deserve better. Your lives have meaning and value. Our communities will always be better for including, accepting and welcoming you. You never deserve to see these hateful messages about yourselves. I am sorry. I know the value you have, and I want you to be proud. I know you will change the world.
I had to wait too long to be told I, as a disabled person, had value as myself rather than some “fixed” or “cured” version of me. This value is innate rather than earned by the degree I “overcome” my disability. If I accomplish nothing else in my life, I can be comforted in knowing that my child will always know their value as themselves.
I want to speak to parents of disabled children, too. I know what messages you get about your child. I know most professionals you talk to paint bleak pictures of your child’s future. I know they tell you that your child will be better off if they can be made to “overcome” their disability. I know these messages profoundly scare you and lead to a toxic place where it is easy to believe everything would be better if you did not have a disabled child.
Parents, stop listening to people who won’t accept the value of your child. These are not the people who will connect your child with a better future. Listen instead to disabled adults. See the joy we have in our own lives. Let us help you fight for the future your child deserves.
One opportunity to change the narrative comes in April. April is Autism Acceptance month. However, some of the same messages that present autistic people as objects of pity and burdens will get published in April. You can recognize and reject these messages and instead platform messages of inclusion, of value, of the need for accessible spaces to truly integrate autistic and other disabled people. Or you can support your local disabled community by considering us for jobs, ensuring our access to our community, or just having us out for a beer – I drink stouts.
Jeff Newman is Community Integration director at Community Connections.
