As we age into our later years, it seems there are more and more difficulties to face. Friends are ill or dying or moving away, we are having an increased number of trips to all kinds of doctors, technology is advancing faster than we are, our energy is declining, money issues are arising for many for many of us, and life just seems more challenging.
Or is it that we’re just getting older and don’t want to deal with these more distressing things so much anymore? I’m finding I want life to be simpler, with less and less drama.
I had a meltdown this summer where several things collided to cause me some suffering: a very expensive plumbing crisis, a painful injury, learning a new phone and it all happened that same week in July with all the political chaos. Just a bit too much at once, a stressful time for me.
But there are good things also: grandchildren entering college for the first time, successes with our own kids, the beauty of nature and all the rain, prolific gardens and incredible summer food, a good book, good friends who will be there for us, etc.
It’s all life. A wise woman said that when unwanted things happen, we need to include it all into our psyches. Expand our consciousness to accept all of it – the joys and the sorrows. Don’t feel like, “When this (fill in the blank) is over, I’ll get back to my real life.” This IS our life, all of it. And it helps to go a place of expansiveness, a mountain or a lake, and just invite that wide-open space into our beings. This is just how things are right now! Very helpful.
If our main goals are to feel comfort and avoid discomfort, then we invite suffering. We don't like what’s happening and we want to get rid of it. It’s important to really feel these raw feelings we have, without reacting so strongly to them, without getting caught in the spinout, the escalation.
We can also breathe in all things unpleasant, welcoming them. Then, widen the scope to include all people who are feeling the same thing. This connects us to the universal spirit of being alive. On the out breath, send out wishes for kindness, well-being and relaxation to all beings. This creates compassion for others, as well as letting go of our own holding on to difficult emotions.
These feelings have probably been experienced by many people, so in a way, they connect us to others. Talking with friends about things really helps, as we all have similar issues and one friend of mine even had the same expensive plumbing issue! We commiserated together. We are all fragile and vulnerable, and maybe even more so as we age. Aging is not easy!
As we travel on this unknown and sometimes surprising road of old age, let us be more accepting of all that comes, more welcoming, more appreciative.
Martha McClellan has lived in Durango since 1993 and has been an educator, consultant and writer. Reach her at mmm@bresnan.net.
