While visiting a friend in hospice recently, I was struck by how perceptive this man is in his memories. He wanted to talk about all the “coaches” he has had in his life, people that guided him toward his many exceptional paths. He was particularly focused on his theater experiences, and the guides who led him to all the wonderful times he had acting and performing, and being so involved in everything theater. Riveting conversation.
So it of course led me to thinking about my own guides, and how they’ve influenced my life. I remember people in my childhood who led me to comfort in a very turbulent family, people who were educational mentors showing me it’s all about the children, business people helping me start a school and run it with foresight, and now in my later life, more spiritual guides who are leading me to thrive in my senior years.
Some of these people were visionaries, others just regular people who knew what they were doing, and took me under their wing. Some I know, and others are authors, or public leaders I don’t know personally.
And some are not people, but animals, or places I go for inspiration. Recently, an octopus in a dream guided me through a tough time. We never know when these powerful images may come. I’m trying to be open to everything and everyone that resonates with me.
Many pieces I read about old age say that doing a life review, remembering pivotal times in our lives, is all part of the aging process. Sometimes in those who are actively dying, their whole lives flash before their eyes. I wonder if this man was trying to review his life in some way as to make sense of it, see where its highs and lows were, so that perhaps he could feel some satisfaction at his death. Dying with no regrets is certainly the way to go.
When we bring long-forgotten experiences to our awareness, we can come to terms with where we have traveled to reach this point in our lives: Losses that have never been fully grieved, wounds that have not healed, resentments that have not been forgiven. And don’t forget about the good times, the helpful guides, the joys we’ve had in our lives.
What do these events mean for us now? We have the ability to heal and learn from the past, so it becomes a source of strength and wisdom in our later years, whether we are dying or not. It’s about finding some meaning in what we’ve experienced, acknowledging and understanding it. Then, perhaps we can let it all go, which could be invaluable preparation for dealing with the inevitable, significant losses that accompany aging and death.
Of course, the conversation with the friend in hospice was nothing like all this. It was light-hearted and fascinating, a real slice of this man’s life. I felt privileged to have been the listener. Maybe a life-review could be similar, fun instead of difficult. And, I truly believe we all do this anyway, in some form or another as we age. The past has brought us to where we are now, in all its joys and hardships. Honor all the places life has taken us.
In retrospect, I think about our obligation as elders. Have we guided anyone? Mentored someone who needed it? Coached someone to their success? There is still time to share our wisdom.
Memories of key moments in our lives are the portals to finding the meaning and purpose of our many years.
Martha McClellan has lived in Durango since 1993 and has been an educator, consultant and writer. Reach her at mmm@bresnan.net.
