Common courtesy isn’t so common anymore.

I often think we don’t do our children any favors these days. Growing up in Durango generally means going casual to every event, so they don’t learn how to dress properly for interviews, weddings, funerals or even, let’s face it, church on Sunday.

And our manners have grown more casual over time – my mother, Kathy Butler, wrote a thank-you note to a hostess as soon as she returned home from a dinner or to the giver after receiving a present. The list of people I owe thank-you notes to rivals War and Peace.

I read an article once that posited people who live in small towns are more polite and friendly because no one is anonymous in a small town. People will know who honked the horn, flipped the bird or was rude when standing behind them at City Market. But between population growth and the Internet, where people enjoy being anonymous trolls, even that is eroding here.

Kids who grow up here aren’t necessarily going to stay here. They want to go out and set the world on fire, play in the big leagues, make their mark. And etiquette is a core component of interpersonal success.

Mary Monroe Brown and Shanan Orndorff get that. So they recruited Bizia Greene, owner of the Etiquette School of Santa Fe, to teach a five-hour, weekend course for young people ages 10-15 at the Strater Hotel. Called “The Tasteful Tween,” the agenda included “First Impressions” such as introduction skills; “Classy Communication” skills such as thank-you notes and public speaking; and “Fork and Function,” both American and European dining skills and table conversation.

(Most of you probably don’t know that I have a master’s degree in international business and worked in the field for almost two decades. I once beat out both a Harvard MBA and a Wharton School of Business grad for a job because of my ability to hold a social conversation while correctly eating a multicourse meal. Thanks, Mom, and Thanks, Chez Louis, a French restaurant that was popular here in the early 1970s.)

Greene, whose school’s motto is “It’s not all about the fork,” told her 16 local students, gentlemen and ladies, that “etiquette becomes as natural as tying your shoe. You don’t think about it, you just know how to do it.”

Monroe Brown was correct when she said manners breed confidence, teach children to evaluate a situation and adjust their behavior accordingly, and teach courteous behavior that will make others feel more comfortable. Polish and poise – who doesn’t want to see our young people growing up with those qualities?

While all of etiquette may not be about the fork, the fork definitely plays a key role. On the Sunday of etiquette weekend, the students dressed for dining out and arrived to find a pile of silverware messily piled at their places. They learned what each piece was for as well as how to handle tricky foods such as bread and butter. (Pull bite-sized pieces from the bread and keep your bread knife on your bread plate.)

Zara Rose Brown, a fifth-grader at the time, and the daughter of Monroe Brown and Travis Brown, said she already knew which fork to use. But what she found enlightening was the idea of making the letter “b” with the thumb and forefinger on your left hand and a “d” with your right hand. That’s a reminder that the bread plate goes on the left side of your plate, while the drinking glass is on the right.

The young people correctly dined on a three-course meal that included tomato bisque soup, oven-roasted boneless breast of chicken with sage and thyme velouté, mashed potatoes and fresh vegetable medley. Their reward for acquiring fine dining skills was a dessert of chocolate mousse with a strawberry on top.

Emily Spencer, manager of Strater Catering, was on hand to share her own etiquette skills. (She’ll be teaching a business etiquette course for Durango Chamber of Commerce members on June 24.)

HHH

Enjoying sunny days for their birthdays are: David Jackson, Stewart Leach, Nancy Brown, Vicky Moreno, Katie Hotter, Yvonne Portell, Jigger Staby, Amber Lashmett-Levine, Jack Morrison, Chris Scott, Clay Siekmann, Sharon Watkins, Arnold Trujillo, Ron Anderson, Paul Mills, Jodie House, Emma Russell, Ricky Hermesman, George San Miguel, Tiffany Mapel, Tyler Erickson, Erin Sparks, Sharon Kinton, Calan Barnhardt, Mollianne Eckart, John Waters, Ann Willard, Erin Carman, Joe Foti, Meme Eberspacher, Elizabeth LaFortune, Ann Tidwell, John Gardella, Ben Bader, Frank Campana, Katie McElwain, Caleb Ontiveros, Will Jernigan, Mack Otter, Janet Wiliams, Jay Hurtado, Charlene Geiss, Mandy Pierce, Hamilton Wright, Alec Bell, Jeanine Puskas, Connie Webbe, Heather Mullett, Joan Huntley, Karyn Gabaldon, Susan Weirather, Jade Lucero, Diane Diiro, Sharon Kinton, Danial Ciluffo, Mike Hjermstad and Jim May.

HHH

Trumping Alzheimer’s disease means something to all of us, because this wicked disease that steals people’s memories affects so many of our families. It may mean more to the bridge players among us, who are participating in the Alzheimer’s Association’s “The Longest Day,” which encourages bridge players to put in a long day at the table to raise money to support research and caregivers.

Our local participants are doing it Friday, because the Durango/La Plata Senior Center is their venue, and it’s not open on the summer solstice, which is falling on Sunday this year.

Organizers need to know now if you want to play duplicate (starts at set times during the day) or social, which starts at 1 p.m. Because, of course, you need four players per table, and you need enough decks of cards, score sheets, etc.

Call Barry Hillmer at 749-7590 to sign up. A donation of $5 is suggested to play, but think about anteing up more.

HHH

One of the best parts of summer is the glorious fruit. And one of the great uses of that bounty is pies.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Durango Friends of the Arts is back in the pie business this summer, and these talented bakers will be selling the fruits of their labors – I know, once I get going, it’s hard to stop – from 8 a.m. to noon (or when they run out) Saturday at the Durango Farmer’s Market.

All proceeds go to the Grant Fund, which benefits local artists and arts organizations.

HHH

Gardens are abloom for the anniversaries of Jim and Marjorie Appel; David and Jeannie Bennett; Kip and Nellie Boyd; Trent and Gisele Pansze; Steve and Beth Scales; Darrell and Diane Trembly; Tom and Penni Compton; Carl and Linda Curtiss; Deck and Diane Shaline; Jeff and Brenda Nelson; Bill and Sheri Collins; Amos and Julie Cordova; Art and Donna Chase; Al and Betty Calkins; Richard and Eileen Kippen; Asanga and Nicole Ranasinghe; Tim and Cheryl Birchard; Jonas and Moni Grushkin; John and Christine Priaulx; and Danny and B.J. Pierce.

HHH

neighbors@durangoherald.com