Dear Abby - The Durango Herald

Aging mother refuses to discuss wishes

DEAR ABBY: My mom turns 85 this year. When my father died of congestive heart failure 10 years ago, our family had a clear understanding of Dad’s wishes about the end-of-life care he wanted....

DATE: Jul 20, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Boyfriend rages when demands for sex denied

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 37-year-old stay-at-home mother of two teens. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy I’ll call “Doug” for four years. I feel he only wants me here for sex. If I say no, he e...

DATE: Jul 18, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Avoidance of sick relative breeds resentment

DEAR ABBY: Is it normal for people to ignore relatives who have Alzheimer’s? My father spent more than two years in a veterans hospital before his death. During that time, he was visited reg...

DATE: Jul 18, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

In-law appoints herself permanent emcee

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister-in-law, “Helen,” who has appointed herself as the final word on all family events. No other relative has any input into when, where, what, etc., regarding any fami...

DATE: Jul 15, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Man dating ‘estranged’ wife unsure of future

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together more than 20 years. Our relationship grew stale over time, and a couple of years ago, she decided to leave me. However, over the few years, even t...

DATE: Jul 11, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Mother-in-law is a menace

DEAR ABBY: I married a wonderful, thoughtful man 30 years ago. His family accepted me and were very kind, with the exception of his mother. She hardly looked at or talked to me. If she did t...

DATE: Jul 11, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Lack of intimacy puts marriage at crossroads

DEAR ABBY: I’m 55 and have been married to my husband for 22 years. He was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease 12 years ago. He’s mobile but on oxygen and has lost most of his stamina. At t...

DATE: Jul 11, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Marriage of convenience now inconvenient

DEAR ABBY: Eighteen years ago, I married a man so he could get health insurance and have back surgery. It was supposed to be short-lived. He fell in love with me and wouldn’t leave. He’s put...

DATE: Jul 6, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Treatment of female relatives has crossed line

DEAR ABBY: My daughter “Lia” and her husband, “Jerry,” visited his mother and stepdad, “Gil,” a few months ago. Gil gave Lia an inappropriate hug, with his hand sliding to her buttocks. Lia ...

DATE: Jul 1, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Couple quarrels over America’s past

DEAR ABBY: I am a Hispanic-American woman who has been married to my husband for three years. He was born and raised in North Carolina. He’s a wonderful person. We both share a passion for a...

DATE: Jul 1, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Woman struggles to find purpose in life

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old housewife with a loving husband, a caring mother and equally supportive in-laws. I’m writing because I feel useless. I don’t even have a hobby I’m good at. Alth...

DATE: Jul 1, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Wife’s solution raises a stink

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 28 years. I love my husband, but one thing really bothers me that I have told him time and time again, to no avail. We have two small dogs that he insists slee...

DATE: Jun 24, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Residents celebrate solidarity, warn of authoritarianism at No Kings protests in Durango and BayfieldPeaceful gatherings for protection of democracy, immigrants, public lands and institutions

After the Trump administration painted peaceful protesters and Democrats as enemies of the U.S., protesters in La Plata County responded by throwing a dance party in Durango and jamming out to upbeat tunes in Bayfield.

Despite welcoming and sometimes jovial vibes, a government shutdown, threats of selling off public lands and the erosion of democracy were on the minds of Durango and Bayfield residents on Saturday for No Kings Day of Peaceful Protests against the Trump administration.Nearly 7 million Americans had marched and protested in defiance of the Trump administration at more than 2,700 peaceful rallies around the country on Saturday, according to NoKings.org.

The national day of protest is the second nationwide No Kings event, organized by activist groups such as 50501 and Indivisible. The first No Kings Day was held on June 14, President Donald Trump’s birthday.Saturday morning in Bayfield, 200 or more people congregated along both sides of Bayfield Parkway outside Town Hall. That afternoon in Durango, thousands danced in Rotary Park and denounced the Trump administration before marching on north Main Avenue to 32nd Street and back.At least 3,000 people turned out to Rotary Park in Durango, with more in the wings on the Animas River Trail and along north Main Avenue. They carried signs with phrases such as, “Speak truth to power,” “Stop the reign of error” and “When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty.”Many protesters appeared cheery and in good spirits. In Durango, Dan King rallied the crowd and invited the people to dance to music such as Plastic Ono Band’s “Give Peace a Chance.” Vivian SmothermanSome people wore inflatable costumes of pandas, unicorns, velociraptors, Rex from “Toy Story,” and a frog wearing a bandanna.The frog costume may have been a reference to recent protests in Portland where protesters wore vibrant costumes and danced tauntingly in front of immigration officials, presenting a different picture than the White House’s description of Portland as a “war zone.”

Some protesters carried red and black anarchism flags, and two people activated smoke bombs that sprayed thick red clouds into the air as the crowd dispersed, some toward downtown and others to march on north Main Avenue.Bayfield residents speak their mindsIn Bayfield, resident Laurie Robinson played her bagpipes as she walked up and down the sidewalk outside Town Hall. A man standing across the road dipped two long sticks linked by rope into a soapy bucket, lifted the sticks above his head and spread them apart to let the wind blow large, glossy bubbles into the air.Another woman wearing a different frog costume carried portable speakers playing upbeat music, including Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline,” Los Del Río’s “Macarena” and Sublime’s “What I Got.”She carried a sign that read, “United we ribbit, divided we croak.”The woman declined to provide her name, saying she is an employee of the U.S. Forest Service.“They have been waiting to do this,” she said, referring to proposed sales of public lands to private buyers. “They, as the billionaires, can make more and more money off this, and that’s what they’ve been waiting (for). But this is our land. I’m a public landowner. You are a public landowner.”She said letting private industries take unchecked control will lead to public lands being degraded and destroyed. Or, she added, public lands will become an amenity for the wealthy and unaffordable for working Americans.

Public lands contain resources like timber and minerals the country can use – as long as they are extracted wisely, she said.“Our country is falling into authoritarianism,” she said, adding America’s degradation of democracy mirrors what happened to Germany with the rise of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis.Influence over the free press, control of free speech and educational institutions, and deploying the military into cities over domestic issues are all similarities she drew between the contemporary U.S. and Nazi Germany.

She said the Holocaust – the state-sponsored and systematic murder of 6 million Jews and millions of other people – was awful and she does not mean to take away from its significance – but she fears the U.S. is heading down a similar path.

She said she recently visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C., and the similarities were “shocking.”The Holocaust and mass murder did not materialize from nowhere, she said. It started with persecution.

“We’re sending people with no due process to foreign countries and foreign prisons, just like Germany did,” she said. “They started in Poland with their concentration camps, and they didn’t start with camps. They started with these laws to slowly degrade democracy.”Bayfield resident Judy Blaisdell, a member of the Pine River Rising activist group, said she’s been protesting outside Town Hall since March.She is saddened and fearful for the country, she said, because it’s fraught with division.

“People identifying our groups as terrorists, that is very frightening to me,” she said. “Watching our friends and neighbors be dragged away. There have been a lot of people arrested in this area.”She was referencing continued arrests of people suspected to be undocumented immigrants by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents as well as statements made by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt on Thursday ahead of the countrywide No Kings demonstrations.

“The Democrat Party’s main constituency are made up of Hamas terrorists, illegal aliens and violent criminals,” Leavitt said in an interview on Fox News.Leavitt is wrong, Blaisdell said.Blaisdell said Pine River Rising is nonpartisan and aims to build community.“We’re just a group of people that care about what’s going on in the world, and we care about each other, particularly our neighbors,” she said. “ … We’d like to start a conversation with anyone that wants to talk to us.”

Elected officials warn of authoritarianism, encourage ‘community over contempt’In Durango, elected officials and former officials spoke to a crowd in Rotary Park that spilled onto the Animas River Trail and onto the sidewalk along north Main Avenue.Rick Petersen, a Durango School Board member who is seeking reelection, spoke about the importance of preserving education and protecting students. He decried attempts to smear DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion).David “It’s not an acronym, it’s not a buzz word, it’s not a dirty word,” he said. “Diversity of community benefits from a diverse population with many experiences. Every human being wants to feel included, wants to feel safe. That’s what this school district is about. Equity for every single person.”School board members Erika Brown and Andrea Parmenter, who are also seeking reelection, stood by Petersen.La Plata County Commissioner Elizabeth Philbrick spoke about the fall of democracy. Without explicitly mentioning the president, she said the Trump administration is following an authoritarian playbook to divide communities, override constitutional protections and take power.She said authoritarian regimes across the world and throughout history have attacked free press and spread disinformation, degraded independent institutions by installing loyalists, scapegoated people to turn them against their neighbors, and expanded their powers while dismantling free and fair elections.

Protesters on the gazebo at Rotary Park held signs with white text against black backdrops that read “Signs of fascism” in underlined text and messages beneath such as “Voter suppression,” Controlling the media“ and “Persecuting minorities.”“You will find a scapegoat, whether it is a minority, an immigrant or a political rival, they are the problem,” Philbrick said, delivering a civics crash course on authoritarianism. “There is no owning any of the mistakes, the leader will not do that. They become the self-proclaimed savior, defending the real people against imagined enemies.”cburney@durangoherald.comA previous version of this article gave an incorrect name for Dan King, who led chants at Rotary Park in Durango, and Rick Peterson, a speaker and Durango School Board member.

Peaceful gatherings for protection of democracy, immigrants, public lands and institutions

Photos: Vallecito flooding aftermath

‘It’s going to be weeks until this place resembles what it used to’First responders work to get evacuees back home, urge extreme caution to returning residents in Vallecito

VALLECITO – Jean Earp slept only four hours between Saturday and Tuesday, working practically around the clock to divert torrents of water from the neighborhoods lining Vallecito Creek as it rose to 6,980 cubic feet per second. according to the U.S. Geological Survey Earp, a resident of Vallecito and an employee of McCarty excavation, had been preparing in anticipation of the floods with his excavator and front-end loader, trying to strengthen levees and fortify riverbanks. On Saturday, the rains came hard and waters rose fast, he said. The river jumped the banks, turning roads and front yards into torrents as it flooded through the community.About 390 homes were evacuated, and two houses on the banks of Vallecito Creek had to be destroyed by crews before they fell into the river, where they could damage bridges and cause dangerous blockages. Both homes were destroyed with their owners’ consent, said Upper Pine River Fire Protection District firefighter Logan Mosher.

On Saturday, while waiting for La Plata County Sheriff’s Office deputies to arrive with their high-water rescue vehicles, Earp helped residents escape by loading them into the bucket of his front-end loader and driving them to safety. “Once the sheriff got here, people liked riding in the cab more,” Earp said on Tuesday while working to fortify a levee on West Vallecito Creek Road, preparing for the potential of another round of flooding.

The river had carved a new channel around a foot bridge after a log jam had diverted its course. “Without 10,000 trees jamming everything up, the water would’ve flowed along its regular path,” Earp said, shaking his head. “We’re making up for lost ground.” This could be a cutline

Earp was one of many over the weekend who stepped up to defend houses and evacuate residents to safe ground, including personnel from the Upper Pine River Fire Protection District, the Red Cross and the La Plata County Sheriff’s Office, Search and Rescue, Road and Bridge and public health departments. On Monday, Gov. Jared Polis declared the flooding and ensuing evacuations to be a natural disaster, which helped quickly mobilize mutual aid from state agencies.

By Tuesday, the flooding had mostly subsided. But in the wake of the storms, about 90 homes in Vallecito had been damaged, along with roads and bridges, according to a Monday news release from La Plata County. But that was not all, Mosher said. The Vallecito, Grimes and Los Pinos creeks had eaten away at their banks, creating undercuts that appeared stable, but would collapse under a person’s weight, plunging them into the water. And, he said, many trees in the area had become prone to falling over, even without wind. “The danger is not past,” Mosher said. “We still have super-unstable conditions, especially around any moving water. The shoreline is super waterlogged, super loose. We have trees that are still falling regularly, even without high wind.” What’s more, he said, is that as residents return and utility companies begin turning propane and electricity back on, there is a risk of electrical fires and propane explosions. “With power coming back on, utilities coming back on, gas coming back on, we have huge risks for structure fires in these residences when (residents) come back and try to turn on (their) utilities,” he said. At a Monday night meeting at the Bayfield Intermediary School, Upper Pine Fire Chief Bruce Evans advised evacuees to be extra cautious as they return to their properties.

“We shut off a lot of peoples’ power and propane,” he said. “When we turn it back on, stay in the house for a significant amount of time, have a fire extinguisher on hand and if you see any smoke, call 911.”Evans asked residents to coordinate with their utility providers and the authorities to ensure that propane is turned on correctly to avoid tank explosions. Additionally, he said, residents should give stream banks a wide berth because they could be undercut. The odds of survival if someone fell into a river because an undercut collapses are low because of how fast the current would be moving. “If you fall in, the only place we may be able to get you out is the strainer downstream,” Evans said. A strainer is a stack of logs and debris horizontal to a river’s current that can trap a person in the current and cause them to drown. The Vallecito, Grimes and Los Pinos creeks were riddled with strainers after the storms caused hundreds of trees to fall and washed debris downstream.

Theresa Anselmo, director of La Plata County Health, said residents should anticipate having to get their drinking wells and septic systems tested for contamination. The floodwaters likely caused damage to both, and could have sent harmful bacteria into drinking water. Her department has been working alongside the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment. “When you are returning and if you have a septic system, make sure you’re minimizing the water in that system,” she said. “Sewage could seep out of the system and into the groundwater.CDPHE Director of Environmental Health and Protection Patrick Cummins said his agency is working to make sure public water and sewage plants were not damaged. Luckily, he said, those systems were spared, though technicians were still monitoring them closely. “Either through good planning or good luck, none of the systems were impacted by the flooding,” he said. According to a Tuesday news release from La Plata County, evacuation orders in Vallecito are expected to be lifted Thursday. However, the release said that beginning at 8 a.m. Wednesday, residents may be escorted to their homes by deputies for important needs, “such as medication access or other urgent issues.”

The release said the decision to lift evacuations relies on a number of factors: ensuring private roads are passable and safe, water and sewer are accessible, propane tanks are safe to turn on, and debris is managed correctly. “Emergency responders and damage assessment teams from La Plata County and (UPRFD) need time to assess the safety of the area prior to lifting evacuations,” the release said. The road to recovery in Vallecito will be long, officials said. Mosher said the cleanup of the community will be difficult, and complicated by the onset of winter. “It’s going to be a rush, because we will likely have snow coming by the end of the month,” he said. “A lot of these people need to get into their homes and repair any of the damage from the flood before snow hits the ground. It’s going to be weeks until this place resembles what it used to a week ago.”Mosher said the weekend was the busiest three days of his firefighting career. He said he had never seen the water in any of the three creeks rise that quickly.

“ (It was) super unique to have it here at my home district,” he said. “I’ve been working up here for three years and have never seen the water even close to this high.”Earp agreed, recalling how quickly the water in Vallecito Creek rose as 5.2 inches of rain fell locally within a 2½-day period, according to the National Weather Service. By 12:30 p.m. Saturday, he said, the creek had risen to 6980 cubic feet per second from only a few hundred. For contrast, he said, the creek had merely been a trickle in August and September as the area was experiencing high fire danger and drought conditions.sedmondson@durangoherald.com

First responders work to get evacuees back home, urge extreme caution to returning residents in Vallecito

Photos: Durango High School boys golf competes at stateDemons finished 14th after two rounds at Fox Hill Club in Longmont

Demons finished 14th after two rounds at Fox Hill Club in Longmont

Photos: Cowboy Gathering Social and Parade

Photos: High County Cattle Auction

High Country Cattle Auction brings top-notch stock and country charm to Southwest ColoradoFamily run, generational business dates back to 1940s

BREEN – The family-owned and operated High Country Cattle Auction is “in the bones” of the Cugnini family, said third-generation owner Chris Cugnini. The business was founded by Chris’ grandfather, Pat Cugnini, in the 1940s. Pat then passed the business down to his son, Duane Cugnini, who then turned the business over to daughters, Becky Hawkins and Chris Cugnini, whose daughters plan to take over the family business one day. The auction, which takes place once or twice a month from April to January at 13062 La Plata Highway (Colorado Highway 140) near Breen, attracts ranchers, farmers and those in the cattle industry from far and wide.

Former Durango resident Steve Greenburg has been attending the High Country Cattle auction for more than 40 years, and continues to travel to Breen all the way from Arizona, where he now lives. He attended the September auction last week, where around 1,200 animals were up for sale. Greenburg said effective bidding takes concentration and a practiced hand. “You want to make sure you don’t pay too much,” he said. “And if you do, you want to buy the business.” Amber Belvin, employee of 15 years and Chris’ operations “sidekick,” said bidders are most often looking for signs of good health in an animal, like a plump, filled-out body. If bidding on a herd, a look of uniformity among the animals is key to a good purchase, she said.

Despite Greenburg already having a handful of filled out bidding cards marking the cattle he had won within an hour of the Sept. 23 auction, he said the day was young. One sale day last year culminated in Greenburg taking home 22 semi-trucks worth of cattle, he said. Chris said Greenburg is one of the auction’s longest-term and most generous supporters. “(Greenburg) pays top-dollar,” Chris said. “And (that) makes me feel good, because we’re giving back to (the sellers). I know these people around here, and they’re the hardest working people on the planet. If I can get them 10 or 20 cents more per pound, then that makes us happy.”

Cattle auction prices have gone up in recent years, both at High Country and nationally, Chris said. This year, animals are going for $2,500 to $3,000 a head – double and triple the average prices from last year. The increase, Chris said, is in part because of a screw worm making the rounds in cattle in Mexico, which has lowered the number of cattle coming in from the south, along with people subdividing and selling cattle branches, and local cattle herd numbers diminishing, which has increased demand.

Chris called the price increase “good and bad.” “It’s great if you’re a seller, because there’s prices that you’ve never seen before,” she said. “Older men come in, (and they) can’t believe the prices. Some of them do this for a living, and they count on that, so they’re so happy.” Belvin said some smaller farmers opt to buy less cattle during price surges like this, but echoed Chris’ sentiment about sellers being ecstatic about the unprecedented profit.

Local cattle farmer Lawrence Martinez entered 59 steers and 95 heifers in the auction Tuesday. Martinez has been involved in the High Country Cattle Auction “pretty much forever,” but recent years have been especially fruitful for sales, he said. “These last few years, we’ve been coming here to sell, because this is the place to go,” he said. “I wouldn’t sell anywhere else. (The market here has) been so good.”The auction’s community roots and generational touch doesn’t stop at the Cugnini family: Shane Hatch, the auctioneer, took over the job after his father’s death, Belvin said.

The auction serves as an opportunity for community members to get together and bond, Belvin said. “When we do have an auction, it’s a great place where local farmers and ranchers can get together and talk,” she said. “They come to the cafe, and they talk about the hay, and the drought situation, and I think it’s a good connecting point.” Chris and Belvin both expressed feeling glad the auction can supply so much generational value to the local farming and ranching community. “I mean, what other business can you think of around here that’s the same, right?” Belvin said. “We’re fair, and we’re very meticulous at our jobs. We take it very seriously, because this is (some peoples’) livelihood.”

For the Cugninis – and long-term employees like Belvin, who have become an honorary part of the close-knit High Country Cattle Auction family – the heart of the business aligns with the heart of the local farming and ranching community. “We’re just good, hard working people – Americans – that want to make a good living, and live off this great land,” Belvin said. epond@durangoherald.com

Family run, generational business dates back to 1940s