Dear Abby - The Durango Herald

Man’s risqué questions irk wife

DEAR ABBY: My husband has, for years, felt the need to talk filthy and ask sexual questions of other women. It bothers me something terrible. He’s upset that I ruin his “fun,” and insists he...

DATE: Aug 23, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Couple too busy for time together

DEAR ABBY: My wife constantly gaslights me. We have four children (ages 1, 3, 4 and 6), and we both work full-time. However, I pull 90% of the weight at home. I do the majority of household ...

DATE: Aug 19, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

How to describe troubled daughter?

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter (age 21) has made a series of bad choices and failed relationships since she was 16. She went to college and quit (twice), joined the Air Force and hated it, but mana...

DATE: Aug 18, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Stepdad unnerved by lack of modesty

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second wife for 10 years. Most everything is fine, but we have one area of conflict. It is regarding her daughter, my stepdaughter, who has grown from a ...

DATE: Aug 15, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Back away from complicated romance

DEAR ABBY: My son dated a girl for 3½ years in high school. Both were sure they had found their life mate. While my husband and I knew it was a long shot, they believed it was true because t...

DATE: Aug 12, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Guests ruin joy of treasured items

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with guests and friends who make unfortunate comments about personal belongings in my home? For example, I have a favorite print of a woman seated at a table. A frie...

DATE: Aug 12, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Communication key in relationship

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s and have been together six years. He’s a great boyfriend, and I’m happy in every way except one. Since we moved in together a year and a hal...

DATE: Aug 9, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

History of abuse leads to ultimatum

DEAR ABBY: My son is demanding that I tell his father and brother to call him to apologize for past behaviors and attitudes that hurt him. He says if I don’t, he will no longer come home for...

DATE: Aug 5, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Is even split of parenting OK?

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, my relationship of 10 years ended. I discovered my boyfriend had been unfaithful on more than one occasion. He didn’t want to fix the relationship, and I could no...

DATE: Aug 4, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Man repeatedly disregards wife’s complaint

DEAR ABBY: I’m an older woman. My husband and I have been married eight years but were together 15 years before our marriage. He is a wonderful, caring man in most ways. But from time to tim...

DATE: Aug 1, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Friend’s spouse ducks out during visits

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago, I visited my oldest and dearest friend, who I see a few times a year. The last time, her husband, who I’ve also known for years and who I thought was a friend,...

DATE: Aug 1, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Middle-aged daughter takes no responsibility

DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter has never grown up. Until recently, she relied on her grandmother to make ends meet. Her grandmother died, and now I’m all she has. After she was fired fro...

DATE: Jul 27, 2023 | CATEGORY: Dear Abby

Photos: Durango High School football takes on Heritage High School in state playoffsDemons lost to Eagles, 45-36, in 4A quarterfinals at home on Saturday

Demons lost to Eagles, 45-36, in 4A quarterfinals at home on Saturday

Photos: Fort Lewis College men’s basketball at home

Photos: Fort Lewis College women’s hoops wins home opener

Photos: Durango High School football wins in second round of state playoffs

Photos: Fort Lewis College women’s soccer hosts RMAC tournament gameSkyhawks defeated Regis to move on to RMAC tournament semifinals

Skyhawks defeated Regis to move on to RMAC tournament semifinals

Photos: Bayfield High School volleyball hosts regionalWolverines win on Saturday, move on to state in Denver

Wolverines win on Saturday, move on to state in Denver

‘Serve and protect’: Durango residents turn on police over supposed complicity with ICEDPD chief says protest became a riot with agitators on both sides

A crowd of more than 100 people condemned the Durango Police Department on Thursday when the police chief blamed protesters, in part, for violence that unfolded outside a federal immigration field office earlier this week.“The event Monday was not a peaceful protest,” Brice Current said, addressing Durango City Council at a special meeting on Thursday. “It was an unlawful protest that turned into a riot.”Residents said U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents escalated the protest into a scene of violence while city and state law enforcement stood by and watched.The evening reached a crescendo on East Second Avenue between City Hall and the police department when a crowd confronted officers over not intervening with ICE’s arrest of two children and their father or when federal agents assaulted protesters days earlier.“You guys lost our trust. You guys didn’t do (expletive) for children. Go (expletive) yourselves,” Enrique Orozco-Perez, executive director of Compañeros: Four Corners Immigrant Resource Center, said to officers after the special meeting.Residents chanted “serve and protect” at officers. Some had written phrases criticizing ICE and demeaning the police chief in chalk outside City Hall.

Police chief recounts eventsCurrent said DPD’s role at the protest – which was driven by the arrests of two children ages 12 and a 15 and their father by ICE agents for supposedly being unlawfully present in the country – was to observe and be present on the scene in case things got out of hand.DPD also investigated a report of abuse of one of the children detained at the ICE field office in Bodo Industrial Park and attempted a welfare check, but was denied entry into the facility, he said.He said the report of abuse was “found to be invalid,” although he was never allowed to check on the children before they were taken on Tuesday to a Texas immigrant detention center.DPD has received many requests to confront ICE agents, he said, but police can’t take action against federal agents because federal law overrides state and local law when they conflict. He expressed frustration in communicating with ICE officials over the course of the incident.When attempting the welfare check, for example, DPD ordered food for the children and tried to deliver it at the field office, he said. But an ICE supervisor asked him to remove chains that had been placed on the entrance gates by protesters, and despite Current saying he would work on that, he was denied entry into the facility.

Current said DPD officers asked protesters to remove the chains on Tuesday to no avail. After federal agents moved on protesters around noon that day, officers stationed at the fire department down the street headed toward the field office to provide medical aid to protesters. But about 10 protesters converged on them and they retreated, realizing their presence was escalating the situation.He said around 10 agitators were throwing milk cartons and water bottles at state troopers and federal agents when conflict erupted outside the field office.“At this point, we continued to gather information, take reports, collect videos and speak with state and federal partners, representatives, senators, city leaders, community members,” he said.He said residents asked DPD for previous police interactions with Fernando Jaramillo Solano, the father and asylum-seeker arrested by ICE.“He has no criminal history,” Current said.Two “No Kings Day” protests held earlier this year featured a combined 5,500 peaceful protesters, Current said, and that is more representative of Durango’s spirit than the protest outside the field office.He said he supports the First Amendment right to peacefully assemble and petition the government for a redress of grievances, and free speech is a cornerstone of democracy – particularly in uncertain times – but breaking the law is not the way to practice it.Chaining and blocking a federal entrance gate is against the law, he said.“While we recognize that emotions were high, we are disappointed by the behaviors and the display by agents and several protesters alike,” he said. “Such actions from either side distract from the important message of peaceful advocacy and make our shared goal of safety harder to achieve.”Tom Sluis, city spokesman, said the city has received angry letters and calls from residents accusing Durango police of assaulting protesters on Tuesday. But some federal agents who engaged protesters wore uniforms with “POLICE” written in large white lettering.Some residents have called the city back to apologize after realizing their error, he said.Current said in a written statement to The Durango Herald that identifiers such as “POLICE” are intended to communicate lawful authority and ensure officer safety, but they also create community confusion.“Local police departments have a unique and ongoing relationship with the people we serve,” he said. “Trust is essential – when someone is a victim of a crime, witnesses suspicious activity, or simply needs help, they must feel comfortable calling their local police without hesitation or fear. When federal agents use the same ‘police’ identifier, members of the public may mistakenly believe that local police are involved in unrelated federal operations, which can strain that trust and make our job of community protection more difficult.”“POLICE” is still among the most recognized symbols of law enforcement, and it represents legitimate law enforcement authority when worn by a federal agent, he said.

City Councilor Jessika Buell said DPD had an impossible job during the protest. But, she said, the federal response to protesters was disproportionately violent.Representatives for U.S. Rep. Jeff Hurd and U.S. Sens. Michael Bennet and John Hickenlooper condemned the violence by federal officers and committed to investigating how to return Solano and his children to their home in Durango.

Residents recount abuse by fedsProtesters who coalesced outside the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement field office in Durango’s Bodo Industrial Park on Monday and Tuesday were drawn together by a sense of right and wrong – the federal government arresting children on false charges and holding them for over 24 hours was wrong, they said. It was right to do something about it.Residents of Durango, Mancos and elsewhere from the region said in interviews on the scene with The Durango Herald they felt obligated to stick up for children and families who otherwise didn’t have anyone to turn to.Some of those protesters took it the extra mile. They sat side-by-side, arms linked, in front of the gates of the ICE field office gates, knowing at some point they’d likely be confronted by federal agents with pepper spray or worse.“These community members are willing to put their bodies and their criminal records on the line, and the human chain is the hardest thing for them to get through because in order to get through us, they have to escalate to violence,” Jay Conlan, an organizer, said on Monday. “We don’t want to do that, and we will sit here and let them escalate if that’s what they choose to do.”Someone placed chains on the field office gates to make it harder for agents to leave with the children. When the feds showed up later Tuesday, they came with chain saws, pepper spray and ammunition.Agents would go on to drag, beat, pepper spray and shoot protesters who blocked their way with less-lethal rounds.On Thursday, residents who attended the protest recounted how they were assaulted by officers and were left to fend for themselves in the aftermath. They criticized law enforcement and first responders for not intervening during the conflict with federal agents and after the fact when people might have needed medical care.Well over 100 people attended the special meeting. With Smith Council Chambers at full capacity, more than 60 residents packed into the City Hall foyer, and dozens more waited outside, listening to the meeting on loudspeakers.Residents – particularly in the foyer and outside – had dynamic reactions to comments from Current. Boos and shouts – and sometimes applause – often erupted from the crowd.Residents cringed when Current evoked Martin Luther King Jr. when he said “it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends.”Makenna Bard, 16, said she “witnessed and experienced horrors and atrocities that truly go against what our beautiful country and city stand for” at the protest on Tuesday.She said she is appalled at DPD for sitting by while federal agents brutalized residents.“I called 911 and dispatch five times begging for ambulances and medical assistance. We were told that help was on the way but it never came,” Bard said. “Dozens of untrained citizens and two first aid-certified high schoolers, including myself, were the only people providing first aid at the site for over two hours.”She said residents feel “betrayed, lied to and disgusted.”

She said she condemns every agency and person who assisted ICE’s “illegal abduction” of Solano and his children.Resident Riese Rose said protesters peacefully demonstrated, and federal agents brutally assaulted them. Protesters defended themselves.“I don’t consider human’s innate response to stay alive ‘violent,’” they said. “What was violent, though, was ICE agents dragging someone forcefully across the pavement and pepper spraying them within 2 inches of their eyes repeatedly.”They said they could see the agents’ disdain in their eyes through the small openings of their face masks.

Rose carried a person to medical support before moving to another victim of pepper spray who was shouting that they couldn’t breathe. They carried that person to medical support as well. As they laid the person in the grass to rest, an agent shot the person again in the back with a pepper spray bullet.“I can’t describe to you what it was like to hear them yell out in pain while their body was contorting,” they said. “A wounded person being shot again – for what?”Rose said DPD officers and Colorado State Patrol troopers stood by and watched as protesters were assaulted. They stepped in only to protect ICE vehicles as agents drove away.Resident Lia Young said she attended the protest to defend the children arrested by ICE.She said she remembers what her little sister was like at 11 years old, and she would not want her to go through what the 12-year-old girl arrested by ICE is going through.Young was sitting in front of the south field office gate arm-in-arm with other protesters when federal agents arrived. An agent ripped her glasses off and sprayed pepper spray straight into her eyes, she said.She was pepper sprayed several times in her face and at least once in her crotch.“I’m on my period. I’m 21. It felt disgusting and extremely, extremely dehumanizing,” she said. “I felt very violated. It was extremely, intensely painful for the rest of that day.”But that was nothing compared to what the children arrested by ICE are going through after being dragged away from their family, she said.She said she wants ICE out of the community, and if DPD doesn’t develop a plan for dealing with ICE next time, the same situation that occurred on Tuesday will unfold again and again.

Resident Teal Lehto, who is also the La Plata County Democratic Party chair, said Colorado statute imposes a duty to intervene on officers using excessive force, including in riot and crowd-control situations.“I categorically reject the statement that Durango Police Department did everything they could,” she said. “They had a duty to intervene as things turned violent.”She referenced a statement Sgt. Padraic Ingle made to The Durango Herald on Monday that officers would be there to help protesters if violence occurred.“It is incredibly important for our law enforcement officials to mean what they say so they maintain trust with our community,” she said.She said DPD must do a better job at intervening when violence occurs in the community.Many protesters were under the age of 25, and the violence that unfolded at the protest does not occur often in Durango. She said City Council should require the police department to create open training to educate young people about their rights so they know when their rights are being violated.Rev. Jamie Boyce of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Durango contrasted the “warmth, generosity and kindness” she was met with from fellow protesters on Tuesday with the horror of federal agents stomping over protesters as DPD idly watched.“The excessive and brutal and cruel use of force by ICE and the complicity of local law enforcement as people screamed ‘Why won't you protect us?’ speaks to the moral crisis at hand,” she said. “The normalization and celebration of cruelty and brutality to suppress, terrorize, imprison and break our community; abducting people without due process; breaking families apart; militarizing our cities and using excessive force to suppress our right to assemble and right to speak.”cburney@durangoherald.comA previous version of this story misgendered Riese Rose, who goes by they/them pronouns.

DPD chief says protest became a riot with agitators on both sides

Video and photos: Federal agents use pepper spray, rubber bullets on protestersMore than 100 demonstrators react to immigration arrests of two children, parent in Durango

Warning: This video includes obscene language and violence.

More than 100 demonstrators react to immigration arrests of two children, parent in Durango

Residents celebrate solidarity, warn of authoritarianism at No Kings protests in Durango and BayfieldPeaceful gatherings for protection of democracy, immigrants, public lands and institutions

After the Trump administration painted peaceful protesters and Democrats as enemies of the U.S., protesters in La Plata County responded by throwing a dance party in Durango and jamming out to upbeat tunes in Bayfield.

Despite welcoming and sometimes jovial vibes, a government shutdown, threats of selling off public lands and the erosion of democracy were on the minds of Durango and Bayfield residents on Saturday for No Kings Day of Peaceful Protests against the Trump administration.Nearly 7 million Americans had marched and protested in defiance of the Trump administration at more than 2,700 peaceful rallies around the country on Saturday, according to NoKings.org.

The national day of protest is the second nationwide No Kings event, organized by activist groups such as 50501 and Indivisible. The first No Kings Day was held on June 14, President Donald Trump’s birthday.Saturday morning in Bayfield, 200 or more people congregated along both sides of Bayfield Parkway outside Town Hall. That afternoon in Durango, thousands danced in Rotary Park and denounced the Trump administration before marching on north Main Avenue to 32nd Street and back.At least 3,000 people turned out to Rotary Park in Durango, with more in the wings on the Animas River Trail and along north Main Avenue. They carried signs with phrases such as, “Speak truth to power,” “Stop the reign of error” and “When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty.”Many protesters appeared cheery and in good spirits. In Durango, Dan King rallied the crowd and invited the people to dance to music such as Plastic Ono Band’s “Give Peace a Chance.” Vivian SmothermanSome people wore inflatable costumes of pandas, unicorns, velociraptors, Rex from “Toy Story,” and a frog wearing a bandanna.The frog costume may have been a reference to recent protests in Portland where protesters wore vibrant costumes and danced tauntingly in front of immigration officials, presenting a different picture than the White House’s description of Portland as a “war zone.”

Some protesters carried red and black anarchism flags, and two people activated smoke bombs that sprayed thick red clouds into the air as the crowd dispersed, some toward downtown and others to march on north Main Avenue.Bayfield residents speak their mindsIn Bayfield, resident Laurie Robinson played her bagpipes as she walked up and down the sidewalk outside Town Hall. A man standing across the road dipped two long sticks linked by rope into a soapy bucket, lifted the sticks above his head and spread them apart to let the wind blow large, glossy bubbles into the air.Another woman wearing a different frog costume carried portable speakers playing upbeat music, including Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline,” Los Del Río’s “Macarena” and Sublime’s “What I Got.”She carried a sign that read, “United we ribbit, divided we croak.”The woman declined to provide her name, saying she is an employee of the U.S. Forest Service.“They have been waiting to do this,” she said, referring to proposed sales of public lands to private buyers. “They, as the billionaires, can make more and more money off this, and that’s what they’ve been waiting (for). But this is our land. I’m a public landowner. You are a public landowner.”She said letting private industries take unchecked control will lead to public lands being degraded and destroyed. Or, she added, public lands will become an amenity for the wealthy and unaffordable for working Americans.

Public lands contain resources like timber and minerals the country can use – as long as they are extracted wisely, she said.“Our country is falling into authoritarianism,” she said, adding America’s degradation of democracy mirrors what happened to Germany with the rise of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis.Influence over the free press, control of free speech and educational institutions, and deploying the military into cities over domestic issues are all similarities she drew between the contemporary U.S. and Nazi Germany.

She said the Holocaust – the state-sponsored and systematic murder of 6 million Jews and millions of other people – was awful and she does not mean to take away from its significance – but she fears the U.S. is heading down a similar path.

She said she recently visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C., and the similarities were “shocking.”The Holocaust and mass murder did not materialize from nowhere, she said. It started with persecution.

“We’re sending people with no due process to foreign countries and foreign prisons, just like Germany did,” she said. “They started in Poland with their concentration camps, and they didn’t start with camps. They started with these laws to slowly degrade democracy.”Bayfield resident Judy Blaisdell, a member of the Pine River Rising activist group, said she’s been protesting outside Town Hall since March.She is saddened and fearful for the country, she said, because it’s fraught with division.

“People identifying our groups as terrorists, that is very frightening to me,” she said. “Watching our friends and neighbors be dragged away. There have been a lot of people arrested in this area.”She was referencing continued arrests of people suspected to be undocumented immigrants by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents as well as statements made by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt on Thursday ahead of the countrywide No Kings demonstrations.

“The Democrat Party’s main constituency are made up of Hamas terrorists, illegal aliens and violent criminals,” Leavitt said in an interview on Fox News.Leavitt is wrong, Blaisdell said.Blaisdell said Pine River Rising is nonpartisan and aims to build community.“We’re just a group of people that care about what’s going on in the world, and we care about each other, particularly our neighbors,” she said. “ … We’d like to start a conversation with anyone that wants to talk to us.”

Elected officials warn of authoritarianism, encourage ‘community over contempt’In Durango, elected officials and former officials spoke to a crowd in Rotary Park that spilled onto the Animas River Trail and onto the sidewalk along north Main Avenue.Rick Petersen, a Durango School Board member who is seeking reelection, spoke about the importance of preserving education and protecting students. He decried attempts to smear DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion).David “It’s not an acronym, it’s not a buzz word, it’s not a dirty word,” he said. “Diversity of community benefits from a diverse population with many experiences. Every human being wants to feel included, wants to feel safe. That’s what this school district is about. Equity for every single person.”School board members Erika Brown and Andrea Parmenter, who are also seeking reelection, stood by Petersen.La Plata County Commissioner Elizabeth Philbrick spoke about the fall of democracy. Without explicitly mentioning the president, she said the Trump administration is following an authoritarian playbook to divide communities, override constitutional protections and take power.She said authoritarian regimes across the world and throughout history have attacked free press and spread disinformation, degraded independent institutions by installing loyalists, scapegoated people to turn them against their neighbors, and expanded their powers while dismantling free and fair elections.

Protesters on the gazebo at Rotary Park held signs with white text against black backdrops that read “Signs of fascism” in underlined text and messages beneath such as “Voter suppression,” Controlling the media“ and “Persecuting minorities.”“You will find a scapegoat, whether it is a minority, an immigrant or a political rival, they are the problem,” Philbrick said, delivering a civics crash course on authoritarianism. “There is no owning any of the mistakes, the leader will not do that. They become the self-proclaimed savior, defending the real people against imagined enemies.”cburney@durangoherald.comA previous version of this article gave an incorrect name for Dan King, who led chants at Rotary Park in Durango, and Rick Peterson, a speaker and Durango School Board member.

Peaceful gatherings for protection of democracy, immigrants, public lands and institutions

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Man’s risqué questions irk wife

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Back away from complicated romance

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History of abuse leads to ultimatum

Is even split of parenting OK?

Man repeatedly disregards wife’s complaint

Friend’s spouse ducks out during visits

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